it's now been 3 and a half years since i lost my mum, i now have a wonderful support system from 2 very good friends, where although they didn't know me when i lost my mum, they try their hardest to understand me and see where i'm coming from in certain aspects of my life.
one thing that is really getting to me at the moment is that my mum's side of the family don't really make any effort with me anymore, and when they do, i always feel like theyre doing it out of pity. as much as their all still hurting i don't think they understand how hard it was for me to lose my mum at the age of 15. my nan and grandad are still alive so none of them understand how it feels to lose a parent.
another difficult topic in my life at the moment, or used to be a difficult topic is that my dad has now been with someone else for the past 2 years. at first i hated it, felt like she was trying to replace my mum, but as times gone on, ive realised shes not, and shes only trying to help me in any way possible. i love her to pieces and although shes not my mum, she is the closest thing i have got to one now and i will always appreciate what she does for me.
i also have an amazing boyfriend who understands what i have been through, and loves me for who i am, not just out of pity!.
i still think about my mum every second of every day, and wishes she was still here, but i have to explain to people, as much as i wish she was still here, i don't. if she could still be here and not have cancer then i would have her back any day of the week, but if she was still here with cancer, i dont know if i could go through seeing her every day in pain like i used to. she's better off where ever she is now, pain free out of her misery.
i love her millions and always will
xxx
