This is my first ever blog and i can't believe my topic is actually about the fact i have breast cancer. Breast Cancer, Breast Cancer, i'm trying to convince myself that if i say it enough it might sink in and begin to feel real. But then do i even want it to feel real?
I don't think i have ever had such a mixed set of emotions all in one go before. One second i'm feeling completely normal, then the next I'm having a breakdown and can't stop crying. Im sure this is completely normal but it doesn't feel normal to me. Im so used to being head strong and composed yet right now i just feel a scatty mess, that doesn't know whether she's coming or going. Its horrible.
Having so many questions doesn't help either. Whilst at the hospital my brain just went to mush. Most of the stuff the nurse lady was talking about just flew straight out the window and as for questions at the time i could only think of a couple. When i left the hospital though my brain went into overdrive with question after question. How was i gonna explain to the kids why mummy has no hair? was i going to get sick before getting better? Because right now i feel completely fine heath wise and i don't want to get sick. How long was treatment gonna last? why did they want to give treatment before operating? was i gonna be left boobless?
Even writing this now is making my eyeballs get teary so i think i might try this blog writing stuff another time.
xXx
