My Dad was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer about 10 months ago. He had been feeling unwell and had been rushed into hospital a couple of times prior. My Dad has been a heavy smoker all of his life. He could hardly catch his breath and looked painfully thin in hospital, I nearly burst into tears when I saw him lying there. He looked so old and frail and was only nearly 61.
I thought I had prepared myself for the worst, but on hearing the news we all dreaded, I was devastated! I don't think anything can prepare you. I rang my Mam after Dad's appointment and asked how it went. She didn't tell me directly I don't think. I said is it cancer?, and she said yes it is. My world just fell apart.
The consultants originally said there was nothing they could do, that's when I contacted MacMillan. I spoke to Sue the MacMillan nurse and she answered all of my questions, and there were quite a few! He did receive radiotherapy. The cancer was half the size of a thumb nail in his lung. I scoured the internet for information which I reeled back to my Dad. I still make him drink those special milk shakes to keep up his strength, even though he doesn't like them all that much. I told him he needed to try and keep up his strength if he was to fight it. He still pottered around the allotment with my Mam and I would help out at the weekend. Life seemed to carry on as normal.
I was at the bank a few days after the news, when a woman who had walked passed me at the counter rushed back. I looked thinking she might have dropped something. She had picked up a feather from the floor. She proceeded to walk by me again when she stopped, looked at me and said, 'I think this is yours, you should have it.' The she said, 'think of angels,' and smiled. I thought that might be sign or something to say that everything was going to be alright.
10 months on and we found out that the cancer has spread to the lymph glands. I have just found that out today and I have been searching the internet for information. I cried walking home and I just can't seem to stop. It's really hard to be brave in front of my Dad, but I manage to keep it altogether in front of him. I really want to give him a big hug, but I am frightened that I will just break down. I'm trying to stay positive at the minute as I can't imagine life without him.
He goes back for a kidney test to see if he can have chemo on Wednesday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
