The Butterfly Who Flapped Too Hard

  • Letting it out

    So, mentally and physically I've not been doing too well recently. The weather has increased the pain I'm in, as has the housework i've been doing - I cleared a room, rmoved a carpet, laid a new carpet, then bought and built furniture to turn it into a craft room. The pain has stopped me from doing things I might otherwise have done and the house is in a bit of a state, and my weight has stopped decreasing because I've…

    • 14 Feb 2020
  • You're too fat. Exercise more.

    I swear, if one more medical professional says something along the lines of the title of this to me, then I may just open my mouth and scream at them long and hard.

    So, I've always been bigger than my peers both in height and width. Looking back at pictures of me, it's mostly my build that does it as I am 5' 10", with a 63cm circumference head, and really broad shoulders. I always felt bigger than everyone I was in class…

    • 26 Nov 2019
  • Something to ponder

    Just having a muse after hearing from a friend, that a mutual friend was asking after me and asking how things were going for me. So I thought I'd turn here to ponder and muse, and maybe make others think too.

    Why do we as a society, ask people how other people are doing instead of asking the person themselves how they are?

    I mean, think about it. In this day and age with all sorts of communication devices and apps…

    • 6 Jan 2019
  • Christmas Catch-up

    Figured this was the best place to put my thoughts, as they don't really fit into any of the other forums. Nothing exciting, just my thoughts etc on how my Christmas went.

    So a week or two before Christmas I get the news that my fuzzy brothers fiancee will be joining us for Christmas. I've mentioned her before in my posts if you've read the rest, if not..... she needs to be the centre of attention in all things,…

    • 29 Dec 2018
  • The joys.....

    Of crawling up the stairs to the loo.

    Doing your business.


    Finding blood.

    Then having no idea if it is coming from your urethra or your vagina - or heck, maybe both just to be extra special. Both are possible at the moment, neither should be happening, one I'm on tablets to stop happening.

    How ridiculous!

    • 26 Nov 2018
  • Understanding emotions, or not.

    So, I've always felt a bit different to other people and nothing ever sat 'right' with me. When people were reacting to things, or explaining things, or when I was explaining things to them, or reacting to situations or questions - something always seemed a little off. Then I made friends with teachers who had training in spotting kids with challenges, and they made some comments - totally independently of one another…

    • 20 May 2018
  • Absolutely incredulous!

    So, I have a real problem sometimes getting my meds from the pharmacy. I've no idea why this is a problem, because it should be a really simple procedure.

    • They call me and ask what I want.
    • I tell them.
    • They ask for my scripts from the doc.
    • Doc sends them over.
    • They fill them out.
    • They deliver them to me on the pre-asigned day.

    Simple right? Apparently not!

    • 27 Apr 2018
  • Fake Friends

    F*ck them!

    I have something stronger in mind, because I am both raging and in tears, but I've been whapped before for swearing on here and I don't fancy it again.

    But seriously. F*ck them!!!

    You know what? Trying to navigate your way through a cancer diagnosis and the treatments on offer is not easy. In fact, it's bloody difficult sometimes. You're told that this is what's happening inside…

    • 24 Apr 2018
  • Oh FFS!

    I had no idea where to put this, as it doesn't really fit into any of the groups on site. But then, I guess I don't really fit into any one group on site.

    Today is a bad day.

    I was all geared up for yesterday, expecting to be called by the Hysteroscopy nurse to tell me how we are going to proceed with treating the womb cancer and what my biopsy showed - but she never called. So I'm still in limbo…

    • 17 Apr 2018
  • It's been a while

    2 months in fact apparently, since my last blog post.

    There's been a few things happening health wise - you can see them on my profile if you're interested - but most of the time has been spent sleeping. I'm just SOOOOO tired at the moment, and I'm just not sure why.

    Also, TMI moment coming up, I have the worst wind I've ever experienced before. And it's constant. It's to the point where it builds up…

    • 10 Apr 2018
  • A song

    For those who have read the rest of this blog, you'll have seen where I spoke about music and lyrics. Well, I heard another one tonight that I felt like sharing, as it was something I needed to hear and so I figured others might too.

    You can find the music here and the lyrics are as follows:

    "Feeling broken
    Barely holding on
    But there's just something so strong
    Somewhere inside me
    • 23 Jan 2018
  • The doctors never told me that!!!

    Has anyone not thought that yet?

    There are so many times over the last five years where something has happened and I've worried because the docs didn't tell me to expect it, or that it might happen, or the best one - the docs didn't know it could happen!

    The reason I bring it up? Well, I'm going personal again folks so you may want to avert your eyes!

    I've recently had a hysteroscopy…

    • 3 Jan 2018
  • Family - gotta love them. Right?

    Christmas time. The time when those you (usually) share genetics with are all shoved together regardless of likes and dislikes, and you're all supposed to get on. Because it's Christmas.


    This year, my youngest brother has moved back from overseas, so he was around. Usually I get on quite well with him, but he can sometimes be a pompous pr*ck who knows everything better than you do and refuses…

    • 28 Dec 2017
  • Cakes!

    So, as promised, here's a blog post about the charity fair that happened yesterday!

    Jumping back to last week, not the one just gone, I worked hard and cleared my kitchen, cleaned it all down, and did the same to my living room. It was hard work, and I ached all over, but it was gratifying. A friend of mine gave me an extract to try, and it's amazing! Where before I'd often needed an afternoon nap, or two, and just…

    • 12 Nov 2017
  • You couldn't make this up!

    Googlemuma, don't read this post. lol. It'll ruin the feel good vibes you got from the last post!

    So! The last blog post I did had me waiting for an appointment for a Hysteroscopy. Well, it turns out the doc put through the appointment as urgent, so I was seen yesterday for everything. The St James in Leeds really needs to update and decorate some of the older parts, because when you're used to the cancer wing…

    • 31 Oct 2017
  • Flops

    So, I think my last chatty blog post was about London. Well, since then I've been to Paris for a weekend, headed South for a week to a wedding, and then flown off to Munich for a week for Oktoberfest!!

    Paris was a 20-something bday present from my aunt that I'd not managed to take up until now. Either with my work, or treatment,or her schedule - something always got in the way. But I finally made it over for a hectic…

    • 22 Oct 2017
  • Understanding

    So. I've seen a lot of people sharing posts on facebook recently due to a number of suicides, asking for people suffering from depression to know that they aren't alone, and that the person sharing said post is there for them if ever needed. All they need to do is to reach out and ask to chat or to ask for help and they would be there for them. That's all well and good, and I'm sure the person who shared said post feels…

    • 30 Aug 2017
  • Fun and Fundraising

    I made it!

    I managed to do everything I wanted to while in London, and pushed mysef as hard as possible - to the point of tears a couple of times - and nothing was ruined or missed out because of me! It was so lovely to be with my friend and her awesome kids for a whole week. I used to live right around the corner from them, so popped in or went out with them regularly. But I'm now a 4 hour or more drive away from them…

    • 6 Aug 2017
  • Struggling a bit.


    That's quite an accurate description of me right now I think.

    So after that really busy week in the theatre, I had to try and take it easy and recover a bit. So Sunday and Monday were spent doing nothing at all. However, The overwhelming tiredness is back again, and I'm having naps during the day that I thought I was rid of, and when I wake in the morning it feels like someone has sneakily filled my veins…

    • 16 Jul 2017
  • *Crawls out from under a pile of net and foam*




    I've been a little MIA this past month because all of my energy has been going into being creative. In my last post I mentioned heading to help fit costumes for an opera company. Well, I also ended up making ALL the headgear for the show as well - all 60 pieces. So all energy and time went into coming up with designs and then making the designs a reality. It took a little over 100 hours to…

    • 10 Jul 2017
  • These title things are hard!

    When it comes to the title of these posts, that's where I like to be creative. It's the one piece of a post that's made up, and I like to be a bit creative with them - like the title of the whole blog - but today, there is no creativity for a title. Today, there's just a load of emotions that keep on escaping out of my eyes. I think it's mostly exhaustion that's going on, but there's a load of bad news being piled on…

    • 3 Jun 2017
  • Ups and Downs

    This weekend has been full of ups and downs really.

    I was invited out to the theatre with friends on Friday, but unfortunately had to cancel as there was no way my spasming body could sit in a theatre seat for 3 ish hours. Yup, spasms are new. lol. They were bad on Friday, with it feeling like someone had plugged my back into the mains for a few seconds, which even made me cry out with the shock and pain. I'd have laughed…

    • 22 May 2017
  • I'm now part Lizard!

    You might laugh, but it's true! I think the radiation has indeed mutated me - finally - but stillno signs of super powers, unless they've yet to develop.

    So, I used to always be too hot. It didn't matter what the weather was doing, or where I was, I was always toasty warm. Snowing? Perfect temp for walking around in a short sleeved top. I even went to the ice bar in Oslo a few years ago, and was too warm and…

    • 19 May 2017
  • What's the buzz, tell me what's a happenin'

    Sod's Law! Made plans to go and sit in a garden on Friday and it was overcast and drizzling. Then Saturday and Sunday? Bright glorious sunshine.

    I still went though, and took Stinkbug with me. He absolutely loved it! Had his little purple jacket on, attached the lead to it, and then pottered around for about an hour and a half. I live in a terraced street with very small gardens at only one side of the street. So…

    • 14 May 2017
  • Bicycle bicycle bicycle

    "I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride my bike
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride it where I like"

    But I can't.

    1 - It's upstairs in the attic bedroom.

    2 - It's broken and needs a good seeing too.

    3 - Oh yeh, I have cancer in my bones and hlding myself upright for too long gives me lots of pain.

    Darn it!

    It has been SUCH nice weather these past few…

    • 11 May 2017