It’s the first weekend following my first chemo. Thankfully I seem to have minimal side effects thus far. But I am obviously not the person I was two weeks ago.
I have much less energy, I can’t just run around after the boys, sort all the house work, cook the meals and still just jump about and play games in the day. It’s just not going to happen. I am now tired and weary, I can do some of this but not all so something has to give. I also have started to experience some nauseousness. Thanks to two horrid pregnancies I’m a pro at dealing with this, but it obviously again means I can’t be the life and soul of the party!
Thankfully S is more than capable of sorting all the house stuff (we’ve always shared it anyway) but what I struggle with is just sitting back and not doing it. I am already beginning to feel a bit useless. I’ve never relished house work but suddenly not being able to clean my bathroom whenever I want seems unfair!
I do however love cooking and typically that has been my domain. S is a great cook but I love it so I have usually done it. But now I need to learn to let him take the reins more so I can rest and use my energy playing with the boys. I fully get that but it’s hard and I still want to do it all!
I know that as the weeks go on and I get more tired and other side effects may take effect, I will likely just be grateful I have someone here to take over these things for me when I know others are not so lucky. But for now I just feel a bit stuck in limbo and a useless lump. So I’m trying to focus on positives and honing the energy I do have to play with my boys.
The fact remains though I am currently finding it hard and my husband will attest for me being the worst patient in the world! Sorry S it’s a learning curve and I will get there!
As always take care everyone x
