It's not just the cancer! It's the loneliness too, it's the world carrying on having fun whilst I weep, it's the practical things I don't have the ability to do, it's the stress of my limited finances, the inability to pretend I'm still me, the confidence that left me, the fear that controls me & the deep sadness I now seem to keep.
I'm trying to heal physically but I'm not healing mentally…
I awake with anxiety, I can't control it, it controls me; often I'm disappointed that I'm awake, because, I have a far better time whilst I'm asleep. Awake, I have to acknowledge all my fears, doubts & worries & I spend the day trying to run away from them but they are running with me.
You can't run from your problems when your problems are you!
Physical & mental illnesses challenge you constantly…
I lay in my bed alone in the dark curled into a ball & sobbed.
The fear, anxiety, stress & dread was so intense that no morphine equivalent would ease the pain. Every past hurt, loss, heartache & painfull experience came back to haunt me that night. I begged over & over 'please make this stop'. I was drowning in my own despair & had no buoyancy to help me. That night I would have gratefully left this world because…
It's hard to describe what ran through my head the day of diagnosis but it was a mixture of shock, anxiety, disbelief, anger, fear, helplessness, loneliness, devastation & dread.
The distressed wreck on the floor was me & I didn't know how to begin to cope.
Overwhelmed is an understatement & I remember thinking how unfair life felt, you see I've never been fortunate enough to have had good health & have…
When you are down & feeling low, your feelings can become extra sensitive. Your emotional senses are heightened & you can feel deeply hurt by what others may view as something very trivial. A single comment that may not have bothered you before may now feel like a huge personal attack. There are some horrid, insensitive people out there who can be downright nasty, but even the 'good' people can hurt your feelings without…
