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With all the uncertainty of late, we felt it was important for us here on the Community News Blog to keep going as normal where we can. So today we wanted to share with you the second volume of our new series ‘My journey through breast cancer in verse and word’ by Amanda-Jayne. Amanda-Jayne was diagnosed with Breast cancer in June 2019 and used poetry and journaling to diarise her experience throughout. Amanda-Jayne has very kindly sent through her poetry and writing to us here and we are going to be sharing it with you over the next few weeks. If you missed the first volume of Amanda-Jayne’s blog, click here to read it
First day back at work since diagnosis, everyone was lovely and supportive, gave me flowers and told me to focus on myself not work. Feel very tearful today and a bit down and overwhelmed. It’s slowly sinking in that I have Cancer, everyone saying I need to stay positive and that I am very brave, but I don’t feel it.
First day at church since diagnosis, very overwhelming too, so many saying how loved and special my husband and I are and that they are praying for me. Reminded that God is carrying me and will bring me through this. Anxious about surgery on 17th July and radiotherapy it will be a long road ahead, but I must keep reminding myself “I’m in God’s Hands”, my faith is what is getting me through this.
Today I felt calmer for the first time since diagnosis. Don’t like the waiting for surgery, just want to get it done.
Worried about how my breast will look after surgery, scared about the anaesthetic, have my pre-op assessment on Friday. Don’t know what to expect, also have my holistic assessment this is something I have never heard of before. Very intrigued by it.
My husband upset this morning it’s just sinking in for him, it’s doubly hard for him with his learning disabilities to take it all in. Had a long chat and he feels better, need to keep including him in everything that’s happening and explain each step as we go. Learning to take one step and one day at a time.
Feel strangely calm today, I know that I have cancer and now know which type, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Grade 2, I am coming to terms with it, I may seem like I am doing OK and holding it together on the outside, but I am paddling like mad underneath, I still feel nervous about surgery and radiotherapy but I know I will get there, sobbing my heart out every day is not going to make it better or make it go away, so I have decided to just take a day at a time and make the most of each one.
Just waiting for surgery now, post op assessment done, feel a bit frustrated as I wait, the waiting is so hard, just want to get on with it and get rid of the lump, feel like I have this invader inside me and I just want it out. Been a bit achy in my breast and arm pit but feel ok otherwise.
Doing my exercises as instructed, still working until the op, am still a little nervous about what my breast will look like after, must remember to take one step at a time, and to see each day as a gift from God to treasure and to make the most of each minute of it. Time is so precious.
Feeling a bit fed up and low today. Everyone wants to tell me what to do and when to do it, I just need to be allowed to take one day at a time. I’m the one going through this and I’m the one who will decide what to do and when. The waiting is so hard I just want the lump out so I can move on. I have not slept well for the past 2 nights as I have had so many things going around in my head.
That’s why I am writing this down so I am told it helps to put all your worries and anxieties onto paper, that way they are out of your head and you can sleep better, writing them, down won’t solve your worries but it can help to clear your mind and help you relax. Hope it works, goodnight!
We want to thank Amanda-Jayne for sharing her story with us, we will be sharing more of her journal entries and poetry over the next few weeks. Poetry can be a really powerful way of expressing yourself, and if you have any poetry that you want to share with the Community on any subject, we have a group called ‘Express yourself’ where you can share anything you have created.
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