Hi all,
I’m really struggling at the moment and finding it really hard to cope, alternating between panic and depression. Things are moving in terms of PET scan done, heart scan booked for Monday but the fear and the “struggle between the ears” is huge. My lymphoma was found in my left nostril - had procedure with ENT surgeon on 31st July but I was pretty asymptomatic other than that. Now I am panicking about my lower back (tender, probably too much time spent in bed and sitting around) and pain in sinus which tends to have a mucus build up now the lymphoma mass has been removed. When you’ve had a cancer diagnosis, it feels like it’s open season, as if you haven’t been given bad enough news.
My fiancé is not coping - he copes by being on the go all the time and taking over, presumably to feel some control. We should have been on holiday in Portugal this week and part of next but he’s chosen to go back to work. I don’t blame him but it’s left me feeling quite lonely, although a friend is driving over from Surrey today. She’s supported another friend through this at stage 4. Very strange. I should say my fiancé is very keen to attend appointments with me. He’s a wonderful man and there’s always that guilt that your loved ones are suffering too.
I do like to see the posts with great news - your good outcomes bring hope to all. If anyone has any top tips for keeping mind occupied and staying “in the moment” please let me know. I am going to try some art later - it has helped me before in times of stress.
Thankyou
Gill x
