Fed up

I don't normally put negative things on.. but feeling really sorry for myself and fed up..

I am finding it knackering bring positive and saying yes I am great, things are going well... blah blah..

Have a husband that has had a breakdown so have to keep things from him for fear of pushing him over the edge.. not his fault.. but again knackering.

Worried about catching anything let along covid. 

Tired washed out at times.  

Hair well use to be my the one thing I loved.... not lost it all but it's thin limp and lifeless... use to be beautiful curls. I would have it all cut off but too thin now.. most people don't know that I am on treatment.. can't bear the look or the how you going..

Stressed before bloods wondering if I will be ok to have treatment...  this month not neutos too low that probably hadn't helped.  

Sleep well that's all over the place..  hence why I am up doing this post st 1.38 am.

Been on this road for years.  Obviously want to stay alive but at what cost to my mental health.

It's like waiting for a train to hit you hard enough to wipe you out... I know every dies but sometimes not knowing has got to be better  than this.. 

Sorry if this upsets anyone but just have to get this off my chest.. hoping it make a me feel better.

I have got to seriously sort myself out and get a grip.