Dear Breast Cancer Forum,
I'm new here and wanted to say hi and reach out for support. I have been diagnosed with stage 2 Her2+ breast cancer in Nov 2023. I have managed to get through 7 rounds of chemo and am now waiting for my lumpectomy on the 10th July.
The MRI results were really positive and I have been so amazed at the fabulous support from friends, work colleagues and my husband and his family.
However, despite all the 'good news' I've recently been experiencing really intense periods of low mood and anger. It's really intense and hard to navigate. It's hit me by surprise.
My daughter is 13 and she's been struggling with some anxiety so we had accessed her a counsellor before who was lovely and helpful. My daughter is struggling with high school, and at one point really stared to get so anxious she was struggling with eating. So because of this and also my breast cancer diagnosis it felt like a good idea to find another counsellor to support her just for 30 min sessions once a week. My daughter thought it was helpful and liked the sessions.
When I asked for feedback from the counsellor he sent an email intended to be helpful but it was really difficult to read. I know he didn't intend it to be unhelpful but it triggered a lot for me. Especially the impact of my cancer and I ended up feeling both judged and blamed. Since this I have woken up with so much anger and not known what to do with myself.
I also think it's not helped by the fact that I have started a new medication Ramipril which can cause insomnia. I think the return of the insomnia and menopause symptoms is not helping but here we are.
I read the article about toxic positivity and I can relate to that too. I am doing all I can to manage my self. Exercise, eat well, and help myself but it almost feels as though due to the good MRI results my friends have all gone quiet. It almost feels they were more supportive when I was more unwell
But the emotional fallout feels much more now. So wondering how others cope? I am attending my daughter's drama play tonight and dreading the 'how are you questions' maybe a printed t-shirt with - 'I'm fine, (not fine feel a bit stressed out and likely to cry if you are nice to me) can we please move on and please talk to me like before so I don't feel the only news is bloody boob cancer' Signing off stressed and addled but fine
Dear RPr
Thank you Sooo much for taking the time to reply to my post. It really means a lot to me that how I have been feeling is something that you also really resonated with. This experience can be quite isolating even though I've been lucky to like you have support. But having a message from someone who cares, and gets it really made me feel uplifted. Thank you.
I really appreciated you sharing your experience of cancer and how shocking to be whisked off to ICU after diagnosis. This reminds me how much cancer for anyone of us is an experience that is unforgiving and demands so much from us and our families/ loved ones. Yet here we all are still battling through with resolve and resilience which in my book deserves massive respect. And like you said we are all bolstering each other as we get stronger day by day.
You are right I have had my lumpectomy now and I'm taking antibiotics for a very small infection on the surgery site. I'm pleased I checked with the Duty Dr so hoping final discomfort will ease soon.
I have found comfort in my friends and family but continue at times to be a bit blindsided my people's well meaning responses to my health. It's a challenge whether it is a unhelpful comment or well meaning relatives phoning my husband to talk to them about me and how I am doing. It's definitely strange how cancer really shines a light on who are your people, and who are not.
I appreciate you sharing how you cope with anger and I appreciate you finding my honesty refreshing. I am pleased to hear you are getting support too. I haven't heard of Maggie's I accessed some brief counselling through Macmillan which was free and really good.
I definitely think further support in the future could be helpful. But just focusing on getting over the surgery and keeping everything crossed that my results from the cell biopsy means I don't need more surgery or chemo. Just have to go with it and keep hopeful for good news and the wisdom to ride the challenges.
Wishing you and your family good fortune, and continued recovery and future improvements in your health and wellbeing.
Thank you for being so kind and fabulous
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