Hubby was diagnosed with colorectal cancer (tumour in rectum) just over 2 weeks ago. Has since been for his MRI scan to check the structure of the tumour and now has a CT scan on Tuesday to check for any spread. I know this is the one that he’s really worried about.
Biopsies came back showing an ‘invasive’ cancer, that’s what the colorectal nurse said. I think it’s called adenocarcinoma. To be honest, I listened in to his phone call for the results with the nurse but I’m struggling to remember everything that she told him. So is he. All he remembers are the words ‘invasive cancer’.Depending on the outcome of the scans, he could be looking at surgery July/Aug if no treatment needed beforehand or, should he require chemo/radio, he’d be looking at surgery in October. He’s had his pre assessment appointment check, ECG etc.. general chat about trying to boost his fitness before the surgery, which he’s trying to do. Going out for walks, keeping moving and eating a balanced diet.
I know deep down he’s scared stiff about it all - but he puts on this front. I’m really trying to be strong too, but I’m struggling deep down. It won’t do any good me being in tears I know, it won’t change a single thing. I go and have a quick cry in private at the other end of the house when it gets too much, then I go and wash my face. I can’t bear to let hubbs see me upset while he thinks there’s strong chance he won’t survive this. I have to be strong but my God, it’s so hard.
How can I best support him? He’s simply not a talker of feelings. A man thing I guess. He got annoyed with me earlier when I once again suggested he phone the helpline as I thought he would get good support and proper information on there, not Google! He says he’s not doing anything like this until he knows all the facts, what his prognosis is etc.. And we’re both still keeping the news of his cancer from anyone, we still haven’t told our children yet. Our daughter graduates soon and he wants nothing to ruin her day. But I feel this waiting is taking so much out of him. I know I’m feeling it too. He’s convinced that his cancer is mets and has told me to prepare for the worst. I just don’t want to go there, not until the cancer team confirm if this is actually the case. It’s a door I just don’t want to open, not just yet. I’m not in denial, I know this is serious but I just want us to have some hope. There’s a lot of positive stories on here, which do give me hope. He however says he’s a realist (and he’s been Googling - which I’ve asked him not to do!). I think it’s just this waiting that’s really affecting him - it truly is awful. I’ve no idea how long he’ll need to wait for both scan results after the CT on Tuesday.
What do you do when your other half fears the worst…and you are so desperately trying not to?
PS Sorry for the long winded post 
Thank you 
xx
