I was so close to the 5 year all clear - now waiting again

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My history: (I was in this form in 2018 but can't find my log in!)

2018 - Bladder Cancer - 2 x TURBT - multiple tumours removed - one year BCG treatment.

Series of clear cystoscopys for just under 5 years.

Oct 23 - reduced kidney function identified/ultrasound/CT scan - kidney not emptying

Dec 23 - Cystoscopy to investigate blocked ureter tube, couldn't see ureter opening as bladder lining abnormal and thickened - TURBT to remove - awaiting biopsy. (kidney still blocked!) 

So I've spent Christmas with post TURBT discomfort, Dr said high possibility that this is a recurrence, I'm terrified. I know I'll need another anaesthetic soon to sort out further stuff even if just for kidney.

40's Mum of 3, working and just too busy for this :-(

To add to this I had my hip and femur shattered by a horse Dec 2022, 11 days in hospital, all pinned but have non-union (bones not joining back together). Have been in pain and discomfort with this for the past year (next x-ray Feb 24) - I'm just exhausted and don't feel strong enough for cancer again.