no further treatment

Hi Sal1,

Im so sorry that you are in this position, it’s almost like you’ve just heard the initial diagnosis all over again when you get that call I’m sure. And if you need to cry you just keep doing it, as in the gaps in between it will allow you to be strong for your husband. I know you probably feel like you can’t do it but you just will, you’ll find the strength from somewhere.

My gorgeous hubby has stage 4 stomach cancer, diagnosed xmas Eve 2019. So far no treatment has worked and just heard today that immunotherapy is not an option for him. They are looking at third line chemo but as first two attempts didn’t work things are not hopeful. My hubby has also deteriorated hugely over the last few weeks and today was the first day ever that he didn’t even make it out of bed. Have had calls from oncologist, hospice, GP and a house visit, all rather overwhelming. He also goes into hospital tomorrow to have fluid drained and I’m paranoid that they will take one look at him and keep him in.

Sometimes I feel like I’m outside of my life looking in, wondering how I’m earth I am coping but you just go into autopilot and keep going for your loved one. My time will come to fall apart when my husband is no longer suffering. He’s just 52, the love of my life and my best friend.

stay strong, and just take it one day at a time xx

Sal1

Sometimes finding the right words to a situation is impossible, but I wanted to respond to your post, I wanted to let you know that I hear you and that right now I can only imagine, how you are managing to hold yourself together.  

I fully appreciate your words when you say you don't want to see the man you love suffer, I know how it feels for me to not want to lose the love of my life, so I can relate fully to your post and I send you both Hugs and Strength at this time. 

The news you have received, is devastating, and as @bramblejoo mentions, somehow, from somewhere, you will find the strength. I truly hope that your Husband is helped with pain relief, I am sorry to read that he is in a lot of pain now, and about his weakness over the past weeks. 

 Your words "No Further Treatment" are like a bolt to the heart, My heart goes out to you and your Husband at this time. Sending, Love, strength and hugs...and a listening ear, should you ever need it.

Thinking of you

Lowe'

Hi bramble

Good luck tomorrow, I hope things go ok and your fears of the day are unrealised. 

I understand your words too, those where you write that you feel like you are outside looking in.... I hear you!

I am so sorry to read that immunotherapy is not an option, such a huge blow for you both... 

Thinking of you also...hoping for the very best, and as with Sal, happy to chat if you need an ear.

Take care...

Strength and Love to you both

Lowe'

 lowedal,

thanks for your reply, i'm ringing our local hospice to tomorrow to speak to our clinical nurse, who is a lovely lady, i also know all the doctors and nurses in the hospice i work in a local pharmacy and I dispense all the medication for them, and vist once a week to do their stock order,also my younger sister works there,we have always known michael's cancer was incurable, and all treatment was palliative but he didn't tolerated his first or second line chemo's, second line only managed one cycle, because of imflammation of the lungs, he hadn't had any treatment for 9 weeks now,we had discussed that he is to weak to try any other treatment had it been offered ,i think we both knew what the consultant was going to say to day, just a huge kick in the face when you hear it, we both had tears today, he dosn't want to leave me and i dont want him to go, but i don't want to watch him suffer either, he not the wonderful man i married 12 years ago,he lost so much weight he never was a huge man, he is my rock, my best friend ,my soulmate , we both had crap marriages the first time round, and just when you think your future is sorted  something comes along to trip you up, i know you are both right, i will be there for him and be brave for us both, he hasn't been up since Tuesday, but i put up my Christmas tree up just in case he gets down stairs to see it, we've got camera's in the bedroom and lounge so i can see him even if i'm not with him, just checked and he's sleeping now, time for me to try and get some sleep now, but thank you both for your reply's , i don't feel quite alone , and appreciate your kind words of support

sal

Sal1, I feel like you’re taking about my life, my husband has also been bed bound since Tuesday, only leaving to get him to hospital today. His fluid drain wasn’t that successful and we have to go back next Wednesday to have a permanent drain fitted. He came back and went straight back to bed, though getting him there was a challenge in itself! He is now so weak my main worry is whether he’ll actually be okay by Wednesday. Then I also worry whether he’ll actually we well enough to even try another round of chemo.

I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel getting to that point when you both know that no more can be done and you are just waiting for the inevitable, but I fear that soon we may well be in that same position ourselves.

We have partly said goodbye to the men we love already as like you say they aren’t the same people anymore. I so miss my big strong husband that always made me feel safe. 
thinking of you x

Sal1

My heart goes out to both of you....no words can change inevitable outcomes, but I will be thinking and praying for you all... hope that is ok.

Lowe'

Hi ladies,

Had alittle bit better day yesterday, spoke to st clares local hospice, hospice  at home  are coming in for next 10 days or so to help me with Michael and his personal care and do assessment of needs, also physio from St clares came round sorted commode and is sorting hospital bed to help Michael  and make him more comfortable,  up this early cause Michael got in abit of a mess slipped of pillow,  so straighten him up, and sorted tea, topped him up with oxycodone liquid,  now wait for commode delivery  any time between 8.30 and 3pm bet its 2.55 lol, gracious alittle bit of humour,  thank you for replys and I'll  keep you posted on progress, 

Sal xx

So glad your getting the help you need, it is so much more reassuring x

It’s all so overwhelming, I can’t think of any words to help but know my heart goes out to you all...x

Thanks Budge x

My day has been tough. Feel very teary tonight which is not me at all, though I’m sure I have lots of tears to come. 
Had call from medic who visited Wednesday. He wanted to come back band check in him as he had been very concerned when he saw him last. Reading between the lines I think he was worried he wasn’t even going to get through the night. But at least he was happier with him today. He did discuss with me however if hubby had ever expressed wishes in terms of DNR so clearly not good. We had an open and honest conversation away from hubby which helped me prepare but also scared me.

My stepdaughter came over again so she could spend some time with him while I cuddled my lovely grandson (even if he was screaming!) she came back down and had clearly been crying which upsets me more.

back to hospital next week for permanent drain to be fitted to him. Just hope he is okay until then and that he perks up after that’s done.

this is so awful. But helps to know others are feeling the same. I have a dress in the pit of my stomach xx