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New and confused

Posted by

Hi all, I guess I never thought I’d need to join something like this. I don’t really know what I’m saying now I’m all honesty. 

My dad was told he had cancer a few weeks ago. Two weeks ago we were told it was treatable and happy days started planning for the future and him getting fixed. Four days ago, following more scan results, they advised it had spread and was no longer something they can just remove. 

Now I’m totally lost and don’t understand any of it. I’ve not been able to go to work. I’m crying all the time. I’m so angry at the world and looking at other people wondering why him. 

I keep hoping they’re wrong but I know they’re not

Posted by


You are not alone, no one on this site wanted to join but we have all come together under a common barrier to help and support each other and we hope that along the way we can help you to prepare for the journey your dad has just started, so I hope you will excuse me for giving you a warm welcome into the Mac family online community.

It is difficult at the beginning trying to get your head round everything that's going on. 

Has your dads medical team told him what sort of treatment they are going to start him on. As a group we would always suggest that someone goes with your dad to his appointments as a note taker, it's also advisable to make a list of questions that you need to ask. During the appointment the note taker should jot down everything that is said especially the questions (both dad and the person with him should have a copy of the questions in front of them). If during the meeting the doctor says something that you don't understand, a quick excuse me "Can you repeat that again but simpler" will get you something you will understand.

Of course you are feeling weepy you've just had some bad news and made you angry because it has come as a shock and you look at other people and you think why him, unfortunately it's not a question that anyone can answer.

You should speak to your boss and explain the situation and ask for some compassionate leave or even sick leave but do keep him informed especially if you happen to be dads carer.

Now what can we do for you, we have many groups that you can be with people the same as you and you can openly discuss things with them our Family and friends group might be a good place to start you off.

If you care to tell us what type of cancer your dad has been diagnosed with we can place you in a group specific to the type of cancer he has and you can introduce yourself to very friendly members who are just like you and will be willing to share their experiences with you.

You've taken the first step by reaching out to us, the next step is to tell us the diagnosis then we will give you all help, support and advice you need.

If I can just suggest and I know at this stage it is difficult not to cry but if you could put on a brave face when you're with dad it will help him.

I look forward to seeing you coming back on with some more information about dad and to joining some of our groups.

If I can be of any further help please give me a shout out (my names below and at the top) and I'll do whatever I can to help you as will all the new friends that you will be making on here.

As I started I will finish by saying You are not alone.

Hear from you soon


By clicking on the green text above will open up a new page for you where you will see text reading join this group click on it and you can then start a new discussion, join in with the existing threads or just remain in the background reading the other posts, it entirely whatever you want to do but we do want to give help and support if you'll let us. 

With 2 Certificates in Stoma Care and Management.

You can find me in * Stoma Support * Bowel * Carers * Anal * Family & Friends * Bereavement * Diagnosed at a Young Age * Parents of Young Children * New to the Community * Living with incurable cancer - incurable patients only / End of Life (and others)

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