Copeing with news

FormerMember over 5 years ago

2 replies
57 subscribers
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My parent has been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer with a poor prognosis. I was told last night.

I am sad and angry and am struggling a bit. We are very close. Even at the best of times I am a very emotional person and struggle to hide emotions.

I have 2 beautiful children, I I know they will at some stage see dad upset and i don't know how to deal with that. My eldest child suffers from depression . Kids are 11 and 17.

I personally have little experience of managing grief, but in the past have found the prospect of losing someone close harder to cope with than the actual finality of grief when someone goes...... I would spare my children that torment but with red eyes and tearful moments, how can I hide it from them ? I suspect that not knowing may do them more damage than knowing . I also suspect, me trying to keep emotions locked away for any reason is not healthy !

I am sure over time it will become easier to hide ..... but right now I am dreading collecting small child from school !

I am also aware my pains and concerns are a drop in the ocean compared to what my parents are going through ..... I need to be there for them too !! I need to "man up!"

Any help / guidance through the fog appreciated.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

I am so sorry to hear about your parent’s diagnosis. Pancreatic cancer is a beast and you sound devastated.

The news is very fresh and you’ve come to the right place to find some support. I think the first thing I notice about your post is that you’re talking about grief and loss. Can I point out that your parent is still alive? Maybe it would help to focus on living? Each day is precious and there is joy to be found if only we can remember to look for it.

I am not dismissing your grief and I hope I haven’t come across in that way. I’m talking from my experience both of having lived through my mum’s death from cancer and now living with incurable cancer myself. Living each day is how I manage.

I am also a parent of teenagers and again from my experience it helps to talk. It’s ok for you to feel sad and angry about what’s happening to your parent and it’s ok for you to show that to your kids, I think. It’s important to be a role model as they will have their own feelings to manage and you can show them how.

This community is organised into groups to help us find people who are going through similar experiences. It might be helpful for you to join our family and friends group

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/

I hope you can find support here.

Thehighlander over 5 years ago

Hi , this is such a hard time to navigate both physically and mentally but talking with people will help as this can help cut through the fog.

My friend has given you some great first hand life experience and I do hope that it helps.

You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 to be helpful as you can talk to a friendly person that can help in lots of ways.

There may be some Local Macmillan Support Groups in your area.

Please also check to see if you have a Maggie’s Centre near you as they are amazing - up in the Highlands folks will do a 2-3 hr round trip just to get the support that is available.

Macmillan also has a booklet on Supporting children when an adult has cancer.

My children are mum's now but we had to deal with our granddaughter during my long treatment and we did find them to be very resilient but our daughter did talk to the school about what was going on just so they had an appreciation of what was going on in the back ground.

We are always around to help out ((hugs)) xx

Mike (Thehighlander)

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

My cancer story