I thought I was coping…I’m not

My partner received a stage 4 diagnosis for bowel cancer only when I insisted on driving him to A&E in October ‘22, despite his many protestations and massive denial, because he was so very ill. He had a bowel resection early the following day that removed the original tumour entirely, and he recovered very well. But even at that early stage we were told it had already spread to his lungs and any chemotherapy would be palliative, it was a shock for us both especially as the oncologist indicated the size of the tumour represented some 6 years or more of unseen growth. As long as he was asymptomatic, he was advised no need to start chemo, but when a ‘stiff back’ actually showed up as spread to 3 of his vertebra, he’s had chemo and a radiotherapy blast to improve the vertebra. The oncology team have been wonderful, and explained all the side effects to expect and what warning signs to look out for…but when the fever started my partner wouldn’t budge, just like last October…When I finally got him to hospital he was really relieved and grateful for the doctors and nurses, care and treatment, so assuming it’s not a death wish, why does he fight me so very hard when I can clearly see he needs urgent medical treatment? I thought I was coping, but I’m not.