Waiting for tests

Hi Tony61,  i am very pleased you have your appointment thru.... rest assured, you will be looked after extremely well,  my son had this proceedure a few months back as he was having so much bile, indegestion and difficulty swallowing. He had to give up drinking fizzy drinks, and going on to a  protien diet,  but he was found to have a hiatus hernia. 

I hope u get positive results whatever it may be,  you will soon be on the correct treatment plan for you. 

Hi Tony61 have been thinking about you and wondering how you are - good that you have so much support on here. I hope it goes well for you on Friday. Latchbrook is right; knowing more facts about what they are looking for may set your mind at ease. You could see if your gp is able to clarify things for you - maybe over the phone if it's difficult to get an appointment.  Fear of the unknown & uncertainty is scary. I hope it all works out for you. Try to take things one day at a time.

Thank you. I had an ok day yesterday after a very tough start but not so good today. I'm trying to take things one step at a time but it's so hard. I'm ok for a while and then it all wells up again.

I think I'm going to leave telling my partner for a bit now I know it's nearly three weeks until my tests. But I'll see how it goes. 

Hi Tony61

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day today; I found the time waiting to go to my hospital appointment the most stressful time; I lost half a stone with worry and only told 2 people about the appointment - I had a 2 week wait. At first I was in shock & it all seemed surreal; once I had calmed down a bit I found out facts from my gp & the hospital as to what to expect at my appointment. I still have the occasional moment where I can't take it all in & I feel like having a meltdown but don't because of my stiff upper lip & so instead I journal or find a helpline. It's important that you feel in control but do reconsider telling your partner as she will probably want to support you; a trouble shared is a trouble halved! I had to tell my line manager at work because of the need for attending appointments & I have to say telling her felt like I was making at real ; my feelings over those first 2 weeks were like a bereavement; shock, denial, anger and finally (and I'm not entirely sure I've got there yet) acceptance that this is happening to me and it's real. It's good that you've reached out for support here; it is a sign of strength & not of weakness; my unsolicited advice is to reach out for support wherever and whenever you need it - whether that is here or to your gp or family & friends but don't bottle it all up & remember the facts and investigations may prove that you have a treatable and curable condition

Give yourself time to process it all & try to keep some normality and routine in your life

I really hope this helps

Thanks for your support. It's just great that there's someone I can 'talk' to.

I had another bad night's sleep, lying awake with so many things swirling around my mind. I'm now into wondering whether any new aches and pains are somehow connected. I'm trying to steer away from wondering and checking what it all might mean.

I haven't told my partner yet. It just didn't feel like right - although I know there's never going to be a 'right' time. There's also another factor which I can't go into here. 

For the next couple of days my focus is going to be to have as good a weekend as I can, keeping things as normal as I can. The only trouble is that just looking at my kids risks me welling up again and having scary thoughts about the future. I know that's getting too many stages ahead - I really am trying to take things one step, one day at a time.

In a funny way the fact that I've still got 18 days before my tests is helping me: it's putting off the day when I might get the news I so dread. I know it's also putting off the day when I may well find I've been worrying unnecessarily but I'll take the former for now.  Does that make sense?

And I'll think again about talking to my GP although, as I said, I'm not sure what she could say that could reassure me.

Thanks for 'listening'.

After an OK weekend where I managed to take things ‘one step at a time, one day at a time’ and keep myself busy and keep frightening thoughts mostly at the back of my mind, though two bad nights’ sleep, things are not good again.

I’ve been good about not googling symptoms – until this morning when I just couldn’t stop myself and now I’m back to square one. Last week I had cancer of the oesophagus, this week I’m textbook stomach cancer.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it to my tests in just over a fortnight. Last week they seemed sometime in the future but now they feel worryingly close.

More immediately, I don’t know how I’m going to get through today. I’m finding it really hard to concentrate. I’m going to work at home tomorrow which means I can let everything out, have a good cry and talk to the Macmillan support staff like I did last week.

Please send positivity to help me get through. I’m just so frightened.

I've got through the day at work. Now just the evening to go. Feeling tired, tearful and so scared.

Hi Tony

Sorry to hear you had a bad day. Sorry I didn't reply sooner - have been at work. I myself had a bit of a wobble yesterday & phoned a helpline for some facts & support. My anxiety comes in waves and then I have a wobble and let it all out and then calm down. The most scary times are not knowing & being alone. Once I had facts and a treatment plan I felt better. Different people seem to find different coping strategies. I find Sundays hard as I am often alone all day. I know that I am fortunate that I have had treatment and when I'm feeling rational I'm ok but being tired & alone make things seem much worse. My counsellor suggested putting aside one hour a day for worrying which helps & I write my worries down; I also jot down what went well each day. The nurse I spoke to on a helpline yesterday also suggested anxiety uk & headspace website for support for health anxiety. Be kind to yourself & don't give up 

Take care

PS remember Dr Google is not your friend! I know you are worried about going for tests but remember it is a good thing that they are investigating your symptoms. Have you reconsidered talking to your GP?; they will have more medical facts & should be able to explain what possible treatment you can expect

Hi 

I'm sorry to hear that you've had another bad day. Did you speak to the Macmillan support staff today?

Last week you were convinced you had oesophageal cancer, now you're convinced you have stomach cancer and all this is brought on by googling your symptoms. PLEASE stay away from google as you're not doing yourself any good.

I don't know if you've tried anything that any of us have suggested to help you get through the next couple of weeks before you have your test. If you have and it's not helped, then I do think that you need to think about speaking to a professional about your anxiety so would urge you to make an appointment to talk to your GP.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow