Living with incurable cancer - incurable patients only

This group is specifically for people with an incurable or terminal diagnosis. Whether you need to talk about dying, or about making the most of your life, you can discuss your feelings openly here.

Getting married Saturday

Diane10
Posted by

Hi I'm getting married Saturday I'm absolutely wacking myself.  Was only supposed to be a little thing but has turned out bigger than expected. I'm so stress and so stressed about Christmas. I get my brain results tomorrow. I hope it's clear . Why is life so stressful. I dont think I can cope much longer its supposed to be happy time but I lost my mum through cancer few month ago and I'm numb x

Johnty
Posted by

Dear Diane, first of all congratulations on your forthcoming marriage, it’s my 36th wedding anniversary this week so I’m a old hand at this marriage thing ! Do you the think it’s really waiting for the results of your brain scan that is troubling you rather than the wedding per se, I know from personal experience how wound up I get before appointments with my consultant, it’s a common problem amongst patients and even has a name “scanxiety”. Hopefully once you get your results your can start moving forward again, I know from reading your previous posts you have a had a very difficult time recently and this should be a happy time for you, I have included a link to an article about scanxiety which you may find useful. Have you talked through the loss of your beloved mother with anyone, maybe you could speak to someone at your local maggies centre if you have one or join the group on the forum for bereaved relatives as they will understand what you are going through. The most important thing in the short term is that Saturday is a joyous day for you and your partner so try to zone out all negative thoughts and celebrate your love for one another in front of all the people in the world who care about you so much.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/scanxiety-8-tips-to-cope-with-scanxiety_b_57f51c9ce4b0ab1116a54d7c?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAE77y_jLU64uA5xbtcNgPGCCEMUFarfIFE-a45Rhyn-7BLSoYMpx10C6yOVDNMZIuCFJwbpJ3mHw6QQ1Wwnej0T0awOTNzgqwlv0H9YLf9eB0cI_XfFpPtgkPnVlBGyCMnUJRmG0jD9WXkDVaYNFH0qMkXNYwQ45WqnufivUlk6l

best wishes

jane

 “ A trouble shared is a trouble halved “
Gragon
Posted by

Hi ,

Firstly congratulations on your upcoming wedding on Saturday.  When you talk about your results I'm not sure if you meant tomorrow (6th) or in the morning (today) but which ever it is then good luck with your results.

I think this really is an example where you should be trying to live in the moment and deal with whatever you are doing at the time.  You are bound to be stressed out with so much going on in such a short period.  I don't know how much you have to sort out before the wedding but if you are doing that then just try to focus on that.  There is not a lot that you can do about the results from your brain scan until you actually receive the feedback at which time hopefully you will be able to relax a bit more about what you need to do.

A couple of more days will not make much difference to your planning for Xmas so I would try to focus on your wedding, it is after all supposed to be a happy occasion.  Even though you have a lot to do don't forget to give yourself time to relax and enjoy the moment.

Wishing you all the best,

Gragon xx

tvman
Posted by

Hi Diane

So sorry to have to meet you here, but absolutely delighted to hear that you are getting married on Saturday. Yay! 

Life after our 10th birthday is one long interspersed period of stress. Interspersed with happy times of children being born, weddings, birthday celebrations, meeting new friends to name just a few.

It's how to relax is the task we set ourselves. We've all got to find a way to relax, through a hobby, reading, walks in the country or wherever. I don't know about you, but if I'm walking around my area of countryside or a lake or suchlike, I run the stress problems around my brain, I am increasingly angry at the amount of rubbish thrown from vehicles, then I'm constantly thinking that I'm not walking, I'm in a wheelchair, I have an incurable cancer etc etc.......

I find that what works best for me is to be in company with others and just chatting about this and that. Sometimes my wife will ask me to give it a rest because I'm constantly talking and she wants to be left alone. 

Don't stress out over Christmas, just enjoy the experience, if you're cooking then have a plan, get it all done and relax and enjoy. If you're with family and friends have a laugh with them and your worries will fade into the ether. I'm sorry to hear that your dear mum died from cancer, raise a glass to absent friends on the day, that's how I like to say it and everyone knows about whom I am talking. 

Good luck for the results tomorrow Diane, I hope too that it's clear. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Take care

Tvman x

My philosophy is simple, love life and family.
flowerlady
Posted by

Dear Diane

It's a lot to cope with. I hope you can enjoy your wedding. I cannot imagine how you are coping without your mum. 

Much love

Xx

Flowerlady x
daloni
Posted by

Hi

Congratulations! How wonderful to be getting married. I can see there is a lot on your plate and it’s completely understandable that you will feel stressed. I am so sorry to hear about your mum and please accept my condolences. I hope you will feel her presence alongside you on the big day even if she can no longer be there in person. I hope your brain scan results are clear but mostly that you can put them out of your mind on Saturday 

 I think our friends here have given some wonderful advice already and I don’t really have much to add except that if I was you, my friends’ greatest hope would be to see me happy on my wedding day. They wouldn’t care if it wasn’t the best executed wedding or if things weren’t perfect. They’d want me to ask for their help. But mostly they’d want to see me smile, laugh, cry a bit so they could cry with me and enjoy myself. 

As for Christmas, that’s weeks away. 

Have a wonderful, wonderful day on Saturday 

xxx