Hi there, I have terminal cancer and I'm really struggling with getting my head round not seeing my 5 year old grow up and I thought it might help if I could speak to some other mums put there with young children. Thank you all. Katie
I've got 2 little ones too. This is the one bit of this journey that I also struggle with the most. I find that I try to put it out of my head as much as I can because if I go there I end up a big snotty mess.
I have found my priorities have changed, I am now for making memories and spending time together and to hell with all the boring stuff!! I pay someone to come in for an hour to give the house a clean which frees up our weekends, weve gone away for short caravan breaks - entertainment, walks on the beach, rock pooling whatever u enjoy and I stay as positive as I can. And I'm still working too.
While my journey has not gone quite as I would have liked, I am not planning on letting it win yet and giving it as good a battle as I can.
If you would like someone to talk too by all means drop me.a message xx
I am really sorry you find yourself here. My kids are a bit older - 15 and 19 now but 10 and 14 when all this started. So they’ve been living with it a long time. I agree with Daisiedoo - put it out of my mind and live in today. There’s no mileage in dwelling in what you won’t do when there’s something nice to be done today.
Can I ask - have you been told you’re terminal? That probably sounds awful but I’ve found a lot of people are told they are incurable and their minds understandably go to “I’m going to die” and in a short hop to “terminal”. I speak from experience. But there are so many new treatments out there these days that many of us here in the incurable group have lived long past our sell by dates. These days, doctors and indeed Macmillan are starting to use a new terminology - people who have cancer that is treatable but not curable. I find this an easier place to live. It contains an element of hope. Maybe you know all this already. Maybe not. I hope it’s helpful.
I too am really sorry you find yourself here. I have three children under the age of 11. My youngest is 7 but was 5 when we first told her I had cancer. It's very difficult and can be overwhelming.
I too try and live in the day and not look too far ahead but that's much easier said than done. School were fantastic in their support of the children and I also got some help from a cancer charity to provide some play therapy once it became clear they were struggling a little.
Lots of cuddles, lots of fun, lots of laughing and lots of 'normal' amongst the hard. I was advised to be appropriately honest and make sure they weren't imagining what was happening and so make up their own worst fears. Making sure they heard facts from me was vital too; I once had a well meaning friend spill some beans and that was dreadful. Making sure people didn't ask me too much over their heads became important as well and I developed great skill at diverting the conversation - well meaning but not fair on the children.
You know them best. Take loads of photos... Enjoy your time.
I am mum to an 11 year old boy and was told the same thing. He knows his mum is ill and I have had age appropriate conversations with him. However our relationship involves lots of hugs and cuddles, doing lots of fun things together . We have a strong loving relationship and I enjoy every minute of it . I can’t change my current circumstances but can focus on us having good times together . I have really found everyone here very caring and supportive. I am sure you will find the same . As you can see many many are parents but all are kind caring and there for each other . I send you a virtual hug . My son isn’t as you as your little on but if I can help in any way to support you I am there . Take care xxx
I can surely appreciate where you are coming from. When I was first diagnosed my 2 girls were 8 and 10 and the prognosis was 12 to 18 months.
it was devastating and I was sure I wouldn’t see them move up to high school let alone see one of them go to college. As I was going in to hospital and then having chemo I knew I had to tell them I wasn’t well. It was challenging to say the least.
I cried many a night when they were asleep in bed but whilst they were there I put on the brave face they needed to see. At least before I had the surgery I did.
I soon learnt that wasn’t the answer. I ended up in to much pain to keep that bright smile and happy go lucky persona going. But somehow we got through it.
We kept their lives as normal as we could, they still went to school every day but weekends and school holidays we crammed in as much fun as we possibly could. Day trips to the seaside,cinema or park and weekends away.
Ive been extremely lucky and all the treatments I’ve had have worked to some degree and my girls are now 15 and 17. It’s obviously had a massive impact on them and they are aware that things can change overnight. I know it must have affected them but they seem happy.
Make memories and have as much fun as you can whilst you can. Whilst you can’t change the inevitable you can make the here and now count. That’s what helped me in the beginning.
Hi I’m new on here finding my new diagnosis difficult I have 4 small children and Iv just been told I have breast cancer mets to liver ... I’m waiting for biopsy to confirm new treatment do you mind me asking wot you’ve been goin throw and how you’ve coped with treatments x
I am sorry you find yourself here, but you will find everyone supportive, kind, and ready to help. I was diagnosed in September as a stage 4 cancer. Whilst I don’t have a very young child , my son is 11 years old . With four young children I just want to offer my support. I am currently in treatment going through chemotherapy. I did not know what to expected and when in doubt have written things here which everyone has gone out of their way to help and answer. My friends and family sit with me when I am at hospital . You say that you are waiting for a biopsy to confirm new treatment . There are very wise heads on here who know far more that I and will be able to help. I wanted to send you a virtual hug, and support . Please take care , I know there will be others who will answer as well.
Thanks for reply I was hoping for operation but unfortunately my cancer started to spread across my liver .... I can’t seem to get my head around this being terminal and I will never again be cancer free I’d love to hear from long term survivors to hold on to abit of hope !! I no treatment changes all the time my surgeon said this will most definitely be wot kills me Iv Googled so much for an answer but nothing looks promising xx
My Urologist told me that I was terminal (Metastatic kidney cancer) yet here I am 5 years later. I also googled and found that I had a 12 to 18 month life expectancy. It was a while before my oncologist realised that I had been told that I was terminal and corrected me. So long as there are treatments to try I am incurable not terminal. I only become terminal once all the available treatments have been tried. In kidney cancer and lots of other cancer types there are lots of developments with targeted therapies and immunotherapy treatments. These are so new that they are only just starting to show up in the statistics. I have been on the same treatment for the full five years so have other treatment options if this one stops working.
Take your time, ask lots of questions on this site. I talked to the Macmillan helpline 0800 808 00 00 for help with some practicalities but they are excellent at emotional support and advice as well.
Ahhh thank you that seems a lot more positive... as I have been told we are gonna change treatment as soon as my biopsy comes back Iv spent 4days crying as I’m not ready to leave my children but today Iv picked myself up and I’m ready to fight !! Just hearing peoples positive stories really do give me hope xx
