Living with incurable cancer - incurable patients only

This group is specifically for people with an incurable or terminal diagnosis. Whether you need to talk about dying, or about making the most of your life, you can discuss your feelings openly here.

Hi Everyone

 ellie68
Posted by

Hope you are all doing as well as you can.

Well after twelve weeks of what i call hell it ended, i lay my Husband to rest on Monday.

He is now at peace and not suffering and boy he certainly did, could not talk or see and lost use of his legs.

I am now lost as its been non stop, yes i now have to start looking after my self regarding my oncology appointments and ct scans, he has always been with me threw all treatment, now i am on my own.

At moment i can not see a way forward, we where together since we where 16 and 17.

Sorry for the moan feeling  bit sorry for my self.

Take Care Elliexx

"You Never Walk A Lone"

kirky68
Posted by

Oh Ellie, my heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts. I hope you take comfort in knowing he is not suffering any more.

All my love xx

Tinalay
Posted by

Oh Ellie, it's no wonder you're feeling lost. These last 12 weeks must have been all consuming, there's bound to be some fall out in the aftermath of that.

It must feel like you've lost a limb after so many years together. I know you have grown up children and grandchildren, I hope they're close enough for you all to be able to support each other now. I'm sure it's impossible to imagine a way forward in a world without your husband, but one thing you can do is start taking the best possible care of yourself, as you said he would want you to.

I can't imagine how hard this is dealing with the loss of your life long partner and your own illness with all that that entails. There are really no words, I'm so, so sorry and will be thinking of you. You can express your grief and sadness here, it's not moaning or feeling sorry for yourself it's such a terrible time for you. xx

Tinalay 
Roobarb
Posted by

Oh Ellie, what a time......please please please use this site to have a moan, let your feelings out, use us all as a support.  There are no words we can say or actions we can take to make this pain any easier but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending you all my love .......take your time to look after yourself, that is the biggest gift you can give him and what he would have wanted.  I probably am not expressing myself at all well but I wanted to send you a virtual hug, Heather xxxx

Gragon
Posted by

Hello ,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss but it is bound to take a significant amount of time to adjust.  I still catch myself every now and again thinking that I haven't rung my mother for a while before remembering that she died well over a year ago and that was with some one I didn't live with anymore.

Like others have said, take some time for you but remember to do the things that you enjoy doing.  I'm sure your husband would want you to get whatever pleasure you can despite his no longer being there.

I know that some of the members here try to turn appointments into a day where they treat themselves as well, meeting a friend for lunch, visiting a favourite place or something else pleasant.  Perhaps a friend or relative can go with you if you prefer not to go on your own and as always you are welcome to visit your friends here.

Love and hugs,

Gragon xx

Maybug
Posted by

Oh Ellie, I wish there was something I could say to make things better but all I can do is send you my best wishes and tell you I am thinking of you. 

tvman
Posted by

Oh Ellie

What an awful experience you have gone through, all the while trying to care for yourself with a cancer diagnosis and what you have said is a million miles away from a moan. I hope you have other relatives who can help you through the next few weeks, because there is so much to do now. You're very much correct when you say you have gone through 12 weeks of hell. 

It goes without saying that you have the support of the community at this time, if there's support you need, it's here and I hope you know that. I'm sending lots of love and hugs.

This is a time for clicking on a button NOT called 'like', cos there's no way anyone can say that they 'like' your post. So if there are any Champs out there, or indeed anyone, reading this who may be able to influence anyone in admin to introduce another button that says 'sympathy', then please do so. 

Take care Ellie, you'll get through it.

Tvman xx 

My philosophy is simple, love life and family.
daloni
Posted by

Hi

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband. It must have truly been hell but I do hope you can take comfort from the fact he is no longer suffering and that you were with him to the end. 

There will always be a whole group of people here ready to listen and to give you a virtual hug. But if you would like to share with others who have been through the loss of a spouse then do have a look here: 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_spouse/

with love 

xxx

Lynn2
Posted by

So sorry for your loss Ellie, I hope you have family round you at this sad time. Lynn 2.xx

Lynn 2. xx

Gobaith
Posted by

I'm sorry too Ellie, I can't imagine what you've been though. I'm hoping you get some peace for a while and your cancer behaves to give you some respite. 

x

Clare