AIBU about constant unwanted attention?

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Hi all,

For context I was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 brain tumor in Nov 2022. Have had a crainiotomy, radiotherapy and ongoing chemo since. I have been very fortunate to have my mum take care of me and some wonderful close friends support, and have been feeling ok most of the time. 

Overall I'm coping well but there is one thing that bothers me so much right now, though I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonably irritated. People I know will not leave me alone! I'm not talking about close friends and family but work, friends of friends, ex-in-laws and family I haven't met with or spoken to in months or years. 

I want to spend my time living as close to my normal and content life as possible for as long as my health will allow. I do not need others calling me at all hours to "help me pray for a miracle" or "try vegan" or some other bollocks. If I don't usually talk to you I don't want to now. 

Between the unhelpful and uninformed opinions I can't understand why casual acquatiances feel they have any right to medical updates, my personal thoughts or think I care about their thoughts on it. 

I have my first update after MRI coming up next Monday and will attend with my mum. I know I am terminal so for me does not feel like too big a deal. I have of course seen drs alot and they have taken amazing care of me. Gossip has travelled and now my appointment is practically famous I have a barrage of messages and calls "wishing me luck" or demanding that I let them know ASAP the "news" (still dying duh). 

My question really is, how do I get people to leave me alone? I'm very grateful for those I'm close to but randoms need to back off. Or am I over the top?

  • And why cant I see an edit post function any more?

  • “You are so brave” (or so strong)

    ”You got through it last time so you will get through it again”

    ”You look so well”

    ”Person x had treatment y, can’t you ask for it?”

    ”person x had treatment y and they died”

    ”there are so many great treatments for it these days”. (I have TNBC)

    ”have you tried (wacky diet idea)”

    ”of course you will beat it”

    grrrrrr

  • The You Will Beat It is especially annoying 

    I have a family member who goes around telling all and sundry I have TERMINAL cancer.

    When other people have problems, and let's face it, there are other horrendous conditions besides cancer, this family member will tell them to pull themselves together. Look at X l, she has TERMINAL CANCER.

    I hate it, as it implies that my problems should take precedence over there's.  And that is wrong on so many levels.   I also worry that if she keeps it up, my family snd friends will start to resent me. 

    Also, TERMINAL is such such nasty negative word.  (so last year)

    INCURABLE  or INCURABLE BUT TREATABLE is much better.

  • I'm not sure you're supposed to but you made me laugh. Joy

    My parents are the worst, I had to tell them if anyone asks I'm fine just being monitored. I don't want to be a topic of conversation. My friends are great and literally do not ask anything unless I bring it up first as that is how I want to deal with it. 

    It's the people you meet out that say, and how are you doing really (sad look on face). Absolutely fine thank you very. Or do they really want to her , well I'm dying so what do you expect. Grimacing

  • Hi Harebellle, I am sorry to hear that you have the added stress and worry of a family member almost being your (unwanted) spokesperson. I find it hard to work out what their motive is - i.e. in minimising others difficulties and challenges and then bringing you into it. If you are there whilst that person is doing this, my instinct is that they are trying to goad you into a reaction from you. If possible, change the subject or leave the room. If you are being told indirectly what this person is up to, I still think that they are hoping to engage with you about your diagnosis. You have no need to justify or explain yourself to anyone and I am sure (and hope) that your genuine family members and friends I do hope you can manage to spend as little time around this family member. Apologies if my words/suggestions are unwanted, I just wanted to try and help.