Upsetting day

Oh Bev i am sorry to hear that, well i have not come up against that AS YET regarding the comment,

It is like treading on broken glass.

Perhaps she did not mean it, as it sounded, I have to say, i always phone my daughter on a Sunday night dead on 6.30pm done it for years, '

though since her dad passed, i have phoned a few times in the week,only when i have to, for a reason. and it was always what now,mum,  and a bit abrupt,  ,like i was to much bother, though in the end i told her how it made me fill.

now she answers the phone completely different,

Please do not fill alone, just have a rant here, and get of your chest.

xxxxx

Oh, that must have been painful for you Bev. I often think people don't have the right words to explain how they feel, which is very often helpless, as they think they can't do anything to assist you. 

Just listening and being kind is often the best help of all.

When things are calmer, maybe you could tell her how much you need family support?

Meanwhile, we are all here for you. Xxx

Dear Bev, I am really sorry to hear that you’ve had a horrible and upsetting day.  Maybe in the next day or two, if you feel up to it, could you text or message your daughter to suggest meeting for a coffee? If that feels too raw, then of course don’t. Please be kind to yourself, come on here whenever you want. I am sending you a virtual hug and do hope you are ok. xxxx

Hi Bev,  I'm sorry about the melt down and you probably went to your daughters for a cuddle and a bit of sympathy and this is what you got! It sounds to me as if your daughter feels lost and lonely too and doesn't know what she can do to help you. Unfortunately it came out wrong! Sounds as if she has been trying to think what she can do and doesn't know.

No one likes talking about the subject of cancer but sometimes especially when it comes to family you have to give them hope to cling to. I have 2 sisters, one 7 years older the other 7 years younger. The older one wanted to take over my life after dx, tell me what to do and look after me which was thoughtful. Eventually I had to sit he down and say, it's me who's got stage 4 cancer, not you. I would like you to help if you can but you need to take a step back because I have a husband and 2 adult children who also want to help. I told her I was going to need all the help I could get but on my terms. I really appreciated her concern but I'm old enough to ask my own questions to the Oncologist but if there was something specific she wanted to know, I would find out the answer. I would ask for help when I needed it but I'm not quite ready to give up yet so if I could do things myself, then I would. Then I asked was that alright with her and if I felt low could I phone her. She was delighted and said any time day or night and if I felt like going for a coffee to just let her know. My younger sister couldn't look at me and even stopped phoning. If we didn't talk about it, it isn't true. In actual fact she couldn't cope. I told her if she didn't want to know details of treatment then that was ok but we could still talk on the phone about the usual things and that would suit me fine. Ask me if you want to know what's happening but if you don't then I won't mention the subject. Her answer "that would be great".

It has been almost ten years since I was told you have 5-7 months. My older sister phones all the time and we go for lunch sometimes and she wants to know details. My younger sister still phones but cancer has never been mentioned!

Sorry this is so long winded Bev but everyone is different and you just have to try and gauge what they need as well as you. It is not as easy as it sounds but if they want to help in some way, let them, or ask them to help with this or that. It'll make them feel better so you will feel better!

We are always here if you need to get things off your chest or just chat to others who know how you feel. This is a big (((HUG))) just for you.

Hi Ann. It's a long story with my  daughter. We had fell out for a while untill I told her I had cancer. Basically every few days I get a txt saying hi u ok. I just say yes.so yday I thort ill go see you show u I'm.not ok..and that was her response. I walked out the house. She actually lives a 3 min walk from me but never calls in or anything. I expected more but boy I got a whole lot less. Its a yr next month since I got told I had a year to live so I think with that coming up I'm just a wreck at the minute.  Thankyou for your kind words they mean a lot they really do xx

Nothing more to add Bev, these kind ladies have said it all, but sending a big hug and wishes for a truce between you and happy families again. You don’t need negative at the moment.
Jac x

Hi Bev2022 

I am sorry to hear of your awful day. Like everyone has said, it's hard enough navigating it all ourselves without other people and their issues. You live and learn and there's nowt as queer as folk. Hope you have a lovely day today.

A x

Ho Bev2022, I just read your post, I found it both shocking and sad, I wish I lived closer to you, so I could help.

If you want to chat on the pc messaging let me know, I've been in a very dark place myself.

Hi Bev, I totally understand, my eldest daughter sounds very similar to your daughter, I ring her, sometimes she just puts the phone down. We visited her about 3 weeks ago (with her permission. She actually said you seem to have had cancer for ever, are you sure you have it ? I just said YES I think we better go. My youngest daughter can't do enuff for me even though she lives in Spain she says her sister is frightened of me dying. !!!! Me and my eldest were very close before cancer came to stay. She does have mental health issues. We just have to keep going, sendingvhugs xx

Moi

Moi

Wow how alike they sound. I've had issues with my daughter for couple of years but I honestly thort she would have been there for me and showed she cared. How wrong was I. I've got to the point theris no point getting upset or stressed about it as I cant change her. She had a heart of stone most of the time and I'm not wasting wat time I ha e left thinking of things.  So now I'm sat in my neigours having a few drinks   long overdue been nearly a year since we had drinks and catch up.  Hope you keeping well. If you would like to add me as a friend that would be great xx