Feeling sad

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandson.  My son is now 15 but he was 9 when I was told that I had cancer.  I was initially told that it was terminal although this has since changed to incurable but he only recently found this out.  When he was 9 and we told him what the situation was he expressly told me that he didn't want to know if I was going to die.

We found that being open gave him the opportunity to ask questions and he has sometimes asked his mum about things rather than me.  He was also referred to the pastoral care team at school and gained a lot of support there.  They referred him (with our permission and agreement) to the local young carers who have also been very supportive.

There is also a website called riprap for teenagers, primarily for children who's parents have cancer but I would think it would extend to other family members.  My son has never used it but it was recommended by Macmillan a few years ago so I can't say how good it is but it might be worth a look.  I have put a link HERE if you want to have a look.  It might give him the opportunity to connect with his peers similar to how we can on the Mac site.

It is more difficult for all of us during lockdown and this is the same for my son.  He has had calls from both the pastoral care team and young carers which gives him the opportunity to discuss it if he wants to and feels that he cannot talk to us.  I'm sure that he has his moments but I would probably be the last person he would talk to although he may discuss things with his mum rather than me.

It is a really difficult situation and I think we all just have to try to do the best we can.  I hope that your grandson has been able to talk to his mum since talking to you and if feeling better now.

Wishing you all the best, love and hugs Gragon x

• Thank you so much Gragon - I will have a look.  Xxx

Hi MazLC,  It is very hard to "see" them cry and not be able to do anything about it! Last year at the Lockdown our granddaughters were wakening in the night crying, asking would they ever see us again or were we in heaven. That was in March and their r other granma & grampa had already died. Their grampa just died at the end of November 2019 so it was still in their mind. The youngest was SO distraught we arranged to see them in the garden in April when the weather got better. We saw them but not my daughter and sil. We only saw adults from a distance, so we saw our grandson too, without our son and dil! With the exception of her 5th birthday!

This time is a bit different because children are getting the virus. We are lucky, the 2 girls live 8 doors along and our grandson less than ten munites in the car. When they are going their daily walk, bikeride or run on their scooters, our daughter texted me and we stand at our door so that when they get to our gate, they stop and chat and we remain indoors 3 meters away. They still get to see and talk to us. The exception was when we had the Coronavirus and we hadn't seen them for 8 days. We were both in bed. Then they started having nightmares again so we arranged for our daughter to bring them into our back garden and my husband and I literally crawled to the window so they could see us, we told them we had a really bad cold and they are young enough to believe that.

Our grandson and son, leave their bikes in our shed and when they go a cycle we do the same as with the girls. But just last week, I was in the garden at the bin and our grandson came running in

the side gate, his dad was getting their helmets from the boot. He ran up to me, threw his arms around me saying "Gran, quick give me à "Humungus hug" before my dad comes! What could I do, he was hanging onto my legs. I kissed him on the head and then I said quick I hear your dad coming!

Of course I told our son later but told him not to say anything, which he did not.

I wonder which is worse, teenagers who know whats happening with the virus and cancer OR the younger children who can't understand why they don't come for dinner any more! It's not easy for either parents or grandparents!