Finding things hard

I just felt that I needed to respond to this.

I am pleased that you woke up feeling little better.  I am not sure if my post count's in this room as having read everyone else's experiences on this site I know I am only just at the beginning of my treatment an if I am honest feel like bit of a fraud.  I know it's not a competition but still can't help the way that I feel. I also don't have much experience at the moment regarding treatment.

I did have an early 7week break from the tablets whilst my bloods recovered so do know the anxiety this brings.

I am truly humbled by the support everyone on this community gives to each over and wants to help and truly understand the way it is. Whilst we cannot take away the frustration, sadness, and anxiety we feel it will pass. 

I am early on in my treatment (7 months) and am also scared for the future.  I have a scan coming this Wednesday so the scanxiety is kicking in.

Your post is not depressing in the slightest and you need to get out how you feel whether that is writing this down (as you have done), having a cry, scream, or rant it does feel bit better to get this out whichever way works for you.

We are strong because we have to be but that does not mean that we don't need support.

x

Hi Dance in the rain, I read your profile and see you were only diagnosed last Wednesday. I'm so, so sorry you're in this position, you and your family must still be in shock. 

I've certainly had the same thoughts at times, but as unlikely as it seems at the moment, things don't always feel so bleak. 

You've had a devastating blow, and then been catapulted straight into the uncertainties around treatment with all the physical and mental side effects that go with it, it's a wonder you're even standing up!!! 

We recently has a conversation about what 'bravery' or 'strength' meant for us, and it's a lot to do with being able to say how angry, scared, hurt,or whatever else you're feeling, and still keep putting one foot in front of the other. Those feelings are completely natural and will come and go, but as the others have said, they won't define you any more than the cancer will. You're a mother of 4, that's huge.  

Some advice that helped me at the most difficult times was thinking, what do I have to do to get through the next five minutes, then the next ten minutes and so on. Baby steps, you're still the same strong character you've always been.

So glad you had a better day, and hope there will be many more. sending massive hugs to you and your family. xx

Hi Dance in the rain

I understand when you say everyone seems stronger than me, i think that is because we know our true feelings and fears but tend to be guarded about sharing them honestly.  I know that my very supportive family and friends want me to feel good and when i am it makes them happy so i sometimes find myself acting in order to keep others cheerful.  I had my right kidney removed in August 2018 and two weeks after my wife had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage.  Thank God she survived and had no brain damage however she has subsequently had further treatment and is waiting for a scan in November to see if she requires further surgery.  My three adult sons and six grandchildren were devastated by their mum's situation on top of my incurable cancer and so the act began.  Sometimes like now when i am unable to sleep i want to tell them that i can't always cope but i won't because then they will worry. I spent 27 years of my life in the Army and dot tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but try to keep my brave face on.  I think when i look at others on this site i really do realise that many of us are putting on the same act.  I think that this is the safe place where we can let go and admit our fears and feelings.  I know you have brightened up a bit now but think it is good sometimes just to say it as it is.

Sorry if i am rambling but just felt i would like to offer my support.

Not rambling at all just a heart felt message for which I thank you.  So sorry to hear about your wife.  Sometimes you feel like shouting pick on someone else don't you?!

Thank you so much Tinalay for your lovely support, 

i feel a bit of a fraud though.  I wrote my profile back in August and haven't updated.  So in fact I was diagnosed in August so I've had a couple of months to digest the news.  However your thoughts are still very accurate  xx

Your post absolutely does count! Thank you for your support and understanding. 

Sending you positive thoughts for that scan xx