THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Well done lovelies!
You are all stars and I have it on good authority heaven was jumping yesterday!!!
Well done to those who ran yesterday, and over the last few weeks, I know it is a very emotional thing to do. Bern ..... you Zola Bud you, you beat me.... by 2 mins, however, in my defence 3 km's of the Brighton course was up hill. This is the third year running that I have completed it, and it was my slowest time, but it was by far the hardest course this year... I love a good excuse, lol.
I was really chuffed as I've raised just over £650.00 and I wore my T-shirt with Dad's pic on with pride. One thing that really struck me was the amount of children running in memory for their parents. I guess last year when I ran I hadn't been touched so deeply by Mr C, but losing my Dad this year to it, just makes you realise even more how this god awful disease doesnt show no mercy. My mum did it too and she found it very very hard. On her bib she was racing in memory of her mum, her dad and her husband. Why is life so cruel.
You are all very, very quiet. Today, think positive thoughts. Come hell or high water. You MUST do that. Think or you loved ones of a time that always makes you smile and feel warm inside. Hold that thought for as long as you can and today you will have felt good. Today you will have a big ray of light in amongst all the darkness.
Right I am off for the day to see clients. I need to keep a diary of what I am eating as I am getting fatter. I'm sure I am thinking that because I have been exercising I can eat more. Well, I have been exercising cause I don't do anything physical and that doesn't mean I eat more. Why can't we eat ourselves slim?!!!! Liposuction might be the way!!!
Michelle - well done you honey. Ooooo don't ya just hate uphill?? You did good and it must have been great doing the race with your mum too. My mum is doing the race next year.
Ooops running late and haven't even done my route planner yet!!! Have a good day everyone. Thinking of you all.
Mick, if you can do my pictures, that would be fandabbydozzy. Love Bern xxx
Oh, I forgot the winner of the first post award goes to ....(drumroll).........ME!!!!!!
Come on ladies, I know some of you are really struggling at the moment. GET HERE and POST. Don't do this alone. If you are going to feel poo, then feel poo together. It doesn't stop the pain, yet somehow knowing you are not alone, mad or any other of those emotions makes it somehow bearable. Within this pain, just take a moment and clear your mind. This pain is a different pain to watching your loved one die. You have done the hardest bit.
The reason we have all met is because we needed one another, without realising it. I think we are being looked after you know, I honestly do. Otherwise how do you explain us all meeting?? So, now we have all met, don't hide away. This place is your refuge, your sanctuary. Where you come to lick your wounds before going back to 'life', where you come to re-charge, before wearing that smile on your face again, where you can cry before putting on your mask for the rest of the world. Where bit by bit without realising it you are building up your strength.
Come on ladies and gents sing-a-long ........Lean on Me, when your not strong......I can hear Barbie singing.....I'll help you carry on,
Once I have sold my Dad's business, which should I should find out in the next few days if we can agree a price with the buyer, then we are going to book a lovely "family holiday". I can't wait.
Love to all and thanks Bern for your much needed words to everyone, bought a (massive) tear to my eye(s)
Bern, bless you, for trying to give us all a much needed kick up the backside. However, you are going to regret telling me to post! You and everyone else have my apologies in advance as I am going to share, to pour my heart out and it is all going to seem very negative, because that is how I am feeling.
You are right B, so many of us do seem to be struggling at the moment. It is so hard to post though when feeling like this and that's why we go quiet maybe? Personally, it's because it worries me that my words will bring everyone else down too. There is nothing to say other than I miss my Dad and always will, there is this sadness deep in my heart that I can't imagine will ever leave me, nothing will ever fill the huge gaping whole that has been left by Dad going. The middle of the night sees me lying awake now for a couple of hours at a time, sometimes filled with regret at things I did or didn't say or do in those last few weeks, also remembering the good times with him but that doesn't leave me with a warm glow and a smile on my face, only more sadness. The morning sees me waking up to a new day, not with a positive thought but with the realisation yet again, that I will never see my Dad again, it's another day to get through as it feels as though I am just existing now and the future is not bright, it scares me stupid sometimes. Yes, I am blessed by so much around me, but for the rest of my life, there is going to be something missing and that will never change.
There you have it, that's how it is with me and don't get me wrong, I am not spending my days crying my eyes out, there are things in life I can still find pleasure in and I can still have a laugh now and again. But, probably because of circumstances that life threw our way, Dad and I were so very close, we had a special bond and that deep sadness within me will, I feel, always be there now.
I am so so sorry if any of this has upset anyone here. Let me know if I need to delete all of this.
If it's any consolation to you, I know I feel exactly the same as you, as I'm sure most others who have lost someone close do to. It's an awful gut wrenching feeling, right deep in the pit of your stomach. I too lay awake at night, sometimes for hours, last night was from about 2 am and then the last time I looked at my clock was 4.30am, grief effects absolutely everything you do, say, think ..... I think its like an envelope around me. I try to carry on with normal day to day things but I see my dad everywhere I look... images of him well, but more so images of him poorly. All I can say Sam is how I feel, which is the same as how you are feeling, and although it seems a very long way off, I am sure that in time, these feelings we have now will lessen and not feel so raw. We are all walking this journey with you, All my love, Michelle xxxx
Right I am reliving this time last year on a daily basis, near enough everyday I can remember what happened this time last year. My Dad was so brave to go through what he did like all our loved ones but I feel really angry that my Dad at 51 was taken away from me and my brothers. Dad has missed out on so much in this year alone a new grandaughter etc.. and it really is cutting very deep at the moment I do feel like crying everyday but am managing not to as it's unfair on the girls. I have another appeal for my eldest daughter for a different school on thursday anthis is make or break the decision has been made if she does'nt get in she will not be attending secondary school which will push me to leave.
I still have no contact with my Mum which to be honest is becoming a good thing as the anger I have built towards this evil women is unbelievable and it hurts me to feel so badly towards my Mum when most of you would give anything to have yours back so I am very sorry if my behaviour is hurting you in anyway.
I am very angry, defensive, annoyed, stroppy and damn right unbearable right now hence why I have not been around.
Emx P.s I beat Sam on big brain he he X the only bit of sanity I have right now how sad is that
