THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
1714 replies
12 subscribers
851951 views
This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Kelsey - It must be so difficult, doing your job at the moment and having constant reminders of how things are. Like I said yesterday, it's a really tough place to be, where you are now hun and knowing your Dad is in pain constantly will be heartbreaking for you. You are doing so well though my friend and all you can do is be there for him, which I know you are. You will get through this Kel, with help from your friends here. One step at a time is all you can do but you are not alone, we are right by your side and always here for you. Big (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))).
You weren't talking out of turn about the dvd player and I know that my Dad would hate me leaving the house the way it is, he would want me to use his things and get pleasure out of them, he would want me to move on. It's really difficult to explain how I feel, only that it's hard having to admit that this is it and removing things from the house will make me do just that. Thanks for your kind words hun X
Michelle - how did you get on yesterday? X
How is everyone else? You've all gone quiet again X
This is going to be a short post as my system keeps crashing and its driving me mad, as have lost two messages so far!!!!
Helen - now fanny, you remember that when you come here you tell us exactly how you are feeling and do not shy away in fear that you will upset us. As you said to Sam, we have broad shoulders and we are with you in spirit - don't you just hate it when someone gives you back your own words!!! This is the reason why we are all here together. None of us have walked excatly in the others shoes, yet the common theme is the strength of spirit. So, you get your ass back and talk more. I don't have a magic wand and I can't even claim to comprehend the depths of your fears for lad-o. What I do know honey, is that he is his mothers son, so his strength of spirit and courage will mean that everything will be ok. Your love is for eternity so no matter what happens you will always be with him. Hey, just bang his head with frying pan anyway - keep him on his toes!! hee hee. Big hugs Helen, I think you are SUPERB and just want to let you know
Sam - its tough honey and I understand where you are coming from, Clearing the house is confronting what we already know, it just brings home the reality of it. If possible have someone with you to help clear the house. Play music too - wish I had have done that!! Sam, we kinda put things at arms reach, cause its the fear that these items will make us sadder, remind us. But hey, we never forget that they are gone, so what difference does an item make? I have recently had to chase up to see if my dad was owed monies - I didn't want to do it, didn't want to have the conversations as ignoring it is always easier - hey we had no choice but to deal with everything when this illness came along - but, I thought and I could hear my dad and he would have said he would give me a foot up the arse if I didn't sort it out. So, you are not being silly. Far from it. Its very normal. X
Kelsey - honey you are in for the rocky ride. we are all here for you
Em - you focus on you honey. You need to get things on track, as Kelsey said, things are not sounding so clever for you at home. We are here when you need us.
Jac - you been quiet honey. How is DH's infection? How are you doing? Are the kids off for summer yet?
Right, I will be back in a bit. Have to go before my system crashes XXXXX
Just popping on to say how wonderful I think you all are.... each and everyone of us is suffering in some way, yet you all still reach out those long arms to others and wrap them as tight as you can. I think you are all truly Gggrreeeaaattttttt xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sam... Counselling yesterday went ok, to be honest though the counsellor was from the hospice, so not a specific bereavement counsellor..., she mainly listened to mum and I, She did say that when you are grieving everything is magnified so many times, particularly the negative situations we find oursleves in and I have to say I think she is spot on. She also said that she thinks grieving is very much like the movement of the sea .... one minute it gently rocks back and forth over us, then next minute with no warning this huge tidal wave comes and drowns us! Am going to see her next month, but am also waiting for Cruise to get in touch too.
I know that you worry that sometimes your posts may be inappropriate because they are from the heart. It is important that you share your fears as well as your triumphs with us all, so that we can feel that all of strength and courage is shared.
As difficult as it may be that your lovely boy is struggling, it is also a good sign that he has become ready to open up to you, to let you know that he is scared to. Maybe he has found it hard being the brave one, and now he is handing the reigns back to you.
Being completely honest with you, there were times when I thought "enough already !!!! I cannot take this pressure, when is this bomb going to go off??????" But the minute it happened, I would have done anything for another second to be with my Mum, in this world together.
I imagine that your lovely boy is feeling lost and afraid, but it's important that he knows that this is how everyone feels. When I attended Rochelle's Mum's funeral there were a number of grandchildren there. There were some questions asked, and most seemed to centre on, what had physically happened at the end. They gained comfort from the answers they recieved.
You are a very strong amazing person Helen, and we all love you deeply. You are always free to be yourself here, as we all are. This is why we are joined, because we have an honesty in our relationships with each other that cannot be replicated anywhere else.
I wish you strength and courage by the bucket load, and I send you love, kisses and hugs by the truck load.
How can someone, my soulmate, my friend, my destiny, not be able to comprehend how completely devastated I am feeling?
I love my husband, he is my best friend, but in this we have no connection at all. I did get Aaron to read some of my posts.My Mum's "In Memory" thread and the grief thread. This did help him understand a little, but he then went on to say "this holiday will do you the world of good, you will feel so much better"
"Better"
What an idiot.
My friend who lost her Mum 8 months ago told me that her husband does understand, but this is because he lost his father in similar circumstances 5 years before. My hubby has both his parents, alive and well at the age of 75. Both smoked like trains for most of their lives and would go through about 3 pkts of butter a week (Not a typo !)
Having said that, and I will probably get shot down for saying this, but I have noticed that this site does not seem to have many men mourning their parents. Those that grieve amongst us, do so for their wives or children, so perhaps the bond that ties daughters is a little different.
I have told my husband that he does not understand, and now if I say those words, he looks tired of hearing them. When I told him that I had nearly got struck by lightning the other day, he said "I told you not to go out. I've managed to leave work behind, so I don't know why you have to rush off to use the computer"
I was rushing off to use the computer, because I was worried about you all, and I was feeling alone and sad, and wanted to be amongst friends that would let me be sad.
I think that I am doing a really good job of getting through each day, doing what needs to be done and surviving. He would probably say differently, but he has not walked in my shoes.
I will not always feel like this, although I know that you do not move completely into a safe area, ever. There will always be those overwhelming sad times, what is inbetween I'm not sure.
We understand Em, and perhaps you need to lean on us more during this time, rather than less.
Bring your Dad's DVD player home, use it and remember him using it with you.
I have been unable to bring anything home as it feels wrong to ask Dad to let go of it, so I know that I have not walked in your shoes, but I so want you to live your Dad's dream for you and your family.
Remember to focus on the dream Sam, and not the little steps leading to it. This is where you will find your courage.
Now dont panic i promise not a long one tonight as i very tired and need to go to bed. I just wanted to pop on and say hi.
Now i am also wanting to say sorry but before u all shout i know i dont need to so i wont.
Ang sam bern and mel thank you all for ur messages and hugs - i understand what u are all saying i just worry that i get sooo bleedin wrapped up in my woes and things end up all about me again and then well i go off on one - but hey thats me and i think as sam would say i am 2 old now for change. I will try to come on and type what is going on in my head not just at happy times i promise.
Just to let you all know me lad o and i have managed to open up today and yes we shed lots of tears but it was good for us both - i know i can not take the fear away but i will do all in my power to make it as ok as i can. He is defo a little happier tonight and i think the frying pan is safe in the rack - we still have a way to go but we have started - love him to bits i do.
Thank you all again for being there you are my rocks
Big hugs to all
Love
The happier doll
P.S. Yes bern it is hard to have your words thrown back but i do understand what u are saying hun - but what was that saying - do as i say not as i do!!!!!!
P.P.S. Melly mushroom all the way from the good ol US of A - yeaaaa - thank u hun.
p.p.p.s. Ang u are not intruding u are more than welcome to call in whenever u wish hun.
Mel - Good to hear from you hun. I don't think anyone can understand grief you know. It's such a complex thing isn't it? Not that I've had to truly grieve yet but I know from all of the experiences here that it's a tough one. You are doing marvellously. My mom told me years ago that you never get over a death of a parent but somehow, some day you adjust and learn to live with it. I guess it leaves a new you behind. After all our experiences shape who we are so why should we be the same after losing a parent? It's one of the biggest things we'll ever face in our lives.
To all of you who have lost a loved one - well done, you're still here supporting, loving and living xxxx
