THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)

Oh Sam thank you so much, it really means so much to me
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Wendy we need baby news !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lovely day to you all.

Aunty Mushroom X

XXX

Em - just sending you a big hug honey. Cause I think you need it.

After my dad died, I found this site. As the months went on, I found your thread and all the wonderful people that you brought together. I was always amazed that even though people were so scared, in pain, they never failed to reach out to others. To help give advice, to hope in some cases the same mistakes would be made and to simply offer a hug.

Over this time, I have felt I have made some very good friends here. Most I have never physically met. Yet, that doesn't matter. Cause you still know them. You still feel their sadness. You are happy for them when good things happen and you can laugh at anything. I wasn't here for the strat of your journey. But, I would like to tell you this:

There have been times when you have made me feel soo proud for you. You haven't realised at times how far you have come, how strong you are. Cause even though you are hurting so much, there is an inner strength in you that I think at times you forget is there. Anniversaries and the run up to them are rubbish. The world doesn;t stop turning. Dates remind us of what was happening this time last year and we re-live it again. We re-live the fear of loss, even though it has happened.

You will get through this Em. I promise. Cause it is never as painful as the original time. We need to go through this, cause we are grieving. You are hurting now and probably want to roll up in bed if you could and just wish it all away? Em, you have a strength, feel it. You will smile and laugh and feel truly happy again. Its just one hell of a journey getting there. Look at yourself through your dads eyes honey and feel the pride he feels. Feel his love. Feel how happy you made him.

Now maybe I am talking nonsense? I don't know. I just don't want you to lose hope. Love Bern xx

Thank you Bern I needed that XXX

There is something that I want to share with you all.

I have been thinking a lot about all the things that change once cancer has entered your life.

If I asked anyone of you what day of the week, time, did your loved one pass? each of you would only take a nano second to respond as it is forever carved in our hearts.

My Mum passed on a Wednesday at 2.50pm, and since her passing my world seems to have a new axis. Wednesday is my guidestick, I often say "It will be three weeks on Wednesday, Next Wednesday will be seven weeks, Wednesday just gone was 5 weeks" as I'm sure you all do.

I got a notion the other day, wondering if Mum had been born on a Wednesday. I thought "I wonder if there is a some type of phenonemen, where people pass on the same day that they were born" I googled a calendar for the year of Mum's birth, and discovered................................ She was born on a Monday ! So that's that theory out !!!!

But something suddenly hit me. I never knew the day of the week she was born, the day of the week she was married, I wasn't actually sure of the days of the week that myself and my brother were born. I have been marking the whole of my Mum's life on the saddest event of all, her death.

My lovely Mum had 62, far to short, years on this earth. Those years were filled with some many wonderful memories and all I can think about is Wednesday. I do not want my Mum's life to be all about her death, I will no longer mark her time by Wednesdays. I know it's easier said than done, and I know that I am always still going to know that it's X amount of weeks every Wednesday for the rest of my life, but I will not let cancer take anymore from me.

As I sit here, I do not have cancer in my immediate life (Aaron's cousin, sadly will be leaving this world soon from Lung cancer, God bless him), at some point in the future this dreaded disease may call on my family again, but for now it has taken enough.

I know that the pain and grief can suddenly overtake you when you think you are managing to have an 'ok' day, I know that the pain of losing our loved ones will never diminish, we will just get accustomed to the pain sitting with us and adapt. I also know that I was blessed to have 37 years with my Mum, blessed to get 18 months to fully understand the value of her before she was taken from me, and blessed to have a small quantity of her immense courage and strength to help me cope with her loss.

I hope that each of us will find, in time, that life is all about what we had, and not about what we have lost.

All my love

Melly X

Hey,

its a personal fight you know. I said that cancer would never win and it won't. It can make us feel grief, but it is up to us through the pain to tell it where to go. Cause life is precious. This illness reminds us of all the pain that life brings with it when we lose someone very special. On the flip side, there was immense joy and happiness and love before this pain. This will return in full force and this is the fight that we put up. Cancer won't win, cause it won't stop uis loving for the fear it causes in our lives. It can P*ss right off.

Big hugs honey. Love Bern xx

Dear All

Holiday next week!

Actually I've hidden away this week as it quite possibly...no definately the worst I've had in some time. Not quite sure why I've been overtaken by something much bigger than me and it has reduced me to (the strong one!!) to a wreck. I'm hoping since today is Friday the week will end and next week will be better. It has to be.

Oh Jac. We're here. Nothing helps. Try an hour at a time then another. Remember what I told Mel. This time however long is yours you will some day have to stand and look at yourself in a mirror and say either I did good or oh if only.. Don't EVER let it be if only. This is hard, god we all know it but it is also something you and your kids can handle it truly is. If an hour is too long take it 10 mins at a time but you have to keep doing it.

With very much love to you and your family

Lesley

xx

melly that was lovely what you wrote, I remember mum like that, all the happy times, bern you are so right love yes it can p--- right off, love to all, karen

I was born on FRIDAY 13th....nope not kidding!!!!!!!!!!!