THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Rochelle
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I guess it's a long and slow steady climb back to the top but you will get there in time. You have to give yourself time to find your way though. I can't yet imagine how it feels but I really do feel for you and one day I will take the long slow walk in your shoes.
As for the signs. Well why shouldn't they be signs? If they give you comfort and a little bit of peace then take them as a sign that your mom is still around keeping an eye on you. Our brains try to rationalise everything don't they? Sometimes I think it's worth switching off the brain and going with the heart just for a little while.
We're here when you need us because we all want to help.
It's been a tough week for me this one, with the build up to today but I finally did it and made a really good start at Dad's house as well as go to the grave to take some flowers. I found it so much harder than I thought I would and today has hit me for six, my grief is very raw again. So forgive me for being useless when it comes to supporting you all. You are all very much in my thoughts and I will be back very soon, when I am feeling a little stronger again.
Bern - you ok, you've not been around for a while either X
Rochelle - I feel just like you do, I wish so much for a sign and see lots of little things but really need hard evidence. You are doing so well hun, big hugs X
Mel - just want to say thank you. I kept what you said in mind today. Missing you loads X
Kelsey - good to see you here hun giving support although I'm sending you a hug too as know you need them at the mo X
Michelle - I am glad you made it to see the counsellor, she seemed to talk a lot of sense, what she said about grief. I hope Cruise get in touch soon with you soon, I'm still waiting too X
Hello All. I am starting to think you all think I have a drink problem. The only drink problem Helen says I have is that I can not get enough. LOL. Love and hugs to all. SAM sam. xx
Well done Sam. It's another step along the road to recovery. Although it won't feel like it, it will be helping to heal you fragment by fragment and then piece by piece.
Roch - You just take your time, don't be so hard on yourself. You're in a different place so you won't be acting like you would ordinarily. As for opening those floodgates. Well I know what you mean and I often find myself not wanting to open them for not knowing when they'll stop. It has to come though - eventually. Read the letter when you have someone you can run to for all the support you need once you're done. Then treasure it and read it again and again whenever you feel the need.
Well I feel a little like a shepherd worrying about my flock as you're all in different corners of the world. I won't have access to a PC over the next week but I'll be sure to feel a tug on the invisible cord that binds us and will be thinking of you often. Take care of yourselves and I'll speak to you as soon as I can.
It's dad's scan tomorrow - not sure when the results are out but I know you'll be thinking of him for me.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support yesterday, it really does make a difference and I know that I couldn't cope as much as I am doing without you all, so please don't go anywhere!
SAM sam - your hug was wonderful and no wise words were needed hun, thank you. Re drink problem, I don't think our girl is far wrong, hee hee. You can be our new alchi, seeing as I've given up that title, although I did a very good impression last night! Give our wonderful girl a big hug from me X
Rochelle - your words made perfect sense as it does feel as though I'm losing a little of Dad, each time I have to let go of one of his possessions. It was like saying goodbye all over again yesterday and yes, it was heartbreaking. We all have to take these little steps through our grief though, like you say one day at a time. I feel the way you do when I visit the grave. It was only the second time since the funeral and I just couldn't believe that both of my parents were in there, it just didn't feel real. For me they are in that house, which is why I'm finding it so hard to let go. The stage of grief you are at hun, it is natural to feel worse as the numbness is very slowly wearing off and the reality slowly starts to sink in. We have all been where you are now and we do understand that it gets worse before it can get better. Grief can make us feel very lonely at times, especially when those around us don't seem to be affected in the same way. You are not alone Rochelle, you have many friends here who care and understand. Big hugs for you ((((((()))))))) X
Kelsey - thank you my friend. It's lovely to have you back here again, watching over us all. We will be thinking of you too over the next week and I hope that all goes ok with your Dad's scan and yes, we will be thinking of him as well. Take care hun X
Mel - We are feeling your lovely hugs my friend. I'm so glad you are finding time for some retail therapy while on your hols, although we will be glad to have you back here properly again, we miss you too X
Bern - big ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))). I'm thinking of you and hope you are ok. You know where I am if you want a chat X
Em - I hope that you and your wonderful family are having some quality time together and managing to have a few smiles along the way. We are missing you X
Wendy - your message meant so much yesterday, thank you hun. We will speak again soon. Give little Will a cyber kiss from his cyber Auntie Sam X
Michelle - thank you hun for your lovely words yesterday. I hope you feel able to keep sharing with us here, we are always here for you X
Jac, Nic, Cath - you are all very quiet. Sending you some strength filled hugs and hope you are ok? X
I probably won't be around now until Monday as tomorrow is Mum's anniversary and, as some of you will remember, there was so much going on last year and I was so worried about Dad, that I forgot that it was the anniversary until the evening and then I felt so bad about it. Not so this year, I can't stop thinking about it and want to concentrate on and remember my Mum tomorrow. I bought two bunches of flowers, so I have some here that are the same as those I put on the grave yesterday. I will also be lighting a candle for my Mum and Dad, and also for all of you wonderful people and of course, your loved ones.
Hope we are all enjoying some of this much needed sunshine on our faces, we all need a little vitamin D boost now and then (think it's Vit D we get from the sun).
Had a lovely day with my hubby and girls today, went to a place called Tilgate Park which is in Crawley (not the nicest of place's, sorry if anyone's from Crawley) but it has the most amazing park there, with a huge big lake, loads of lovely walks, a farm, lots of stuff for kids..... and the nicest thing of all is that it's all free!!!! Things are very slowly getting a little better on the hubby front, alot of it is me isolating myself because I feel so "alone" in my grief, but I am making a conscious effort to gradually open up my feelings and let Paul acknowledge them. We are having a romantic bbq for two tonight, as we did last night and it was lovely, sat outside with lots of candles and a fire till 11.30pm... for a little while I forgot about my sorrows, and it felt a little like old times.
Rochelle... Welcome back home, glad you had a reasonable time, it must have been so hard knowing that your mum would have loved to be where you were, but I'm sure she was with you in spirit. I still feel numb about Dads passing and that was 10 weeks ago now, somedays I still cant believe what happened to us in such a short space of time, but then on others days I feel very sad as I know I will never see him again. As wise old (sorry, young) Sam said we have all been through/are still going through what you are feeling, so you are not alone. xxx
Sam... Clearing out must be one of the most hardest things to do as it sparks so many memories and it there right in front of your own eyes, where as I guess when you in your home you are in your comfort zone and the memories are in your mind or in photo's, but at your Dads house they are everywhere. It must be like closing another chapter of their story, but once it is done, thats it you dont have to do it again, and its another accomplishment that will make you stronger. I will be thinking of you tomorrow Sam, and i hope you get to feel your mum and dads arms around you. You have made them so proud ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Kelsey.... Thinking of you and your Dad lots and sending you strength to help you through these very difficult steps xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mel.... you keep on shopping, remember to save some money for all that extra luggage at the airport!!
Bern.... hope you are ok you is unusually quiet xxxx
Em.... hugs for you as usual. Hope things are moving in the right direction.
Jac... How are things???
Sending a big hug of sunshine to everyone else and will raise a glass to all the wonderful people on this site tonight.
Super quick hello, as just popping in. Sorry not been around much all been a bit hectic my end. All is good in the world of Bern and job situation - hey, no worries about that. I will just become a bum!!!
Will go back and catch up with what has been going on. Have been thinking of you all. Big hugs. Love Bern xxx
