THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)

Michelle, you have no need to apologise to any of us for writing down your thoughts and feelings here - that is what this place is all about. The thing is, those of us who are grieving totally understand where you are coming from, we can all relate to how you feel.

Things do seem to get harder for a while and daily life can be such a chore can't it? That part does eventually get easier after a while though. I still have days where I can do nothing at all but there are less of those days now. It is very early days for you hun, a couple of months is no time at all and I bet that even getting yourself out of bed sometimes is a chore. Grief affects you this way and things like housework, jobs, looking after the kids, everything becomes much harder to deal with. We lack enthusiasm, patience is very thin, there is no get up and go. Believe me, you are not the mother from hell - that title is all mine at the moment (hee hee). Hun, the problem is when we are grieving we just don't have the energy to cope with anything else and our minds are elsewhere.

Unfortunately relationships do tend to suffer at times like this and that can be the hard part because we need those around us more than ever now, but we have a way of pushing them away and shutting ourselves off. I know it's difficult hun but try and let your hubby in, let him know exactly how you are feeling, about everything. It's a trying time for those around us too because we are just not ourselves at the moment and probably won't be for some time to come and they don't always understand. I know I'm pushing my hubby to the limits sometimes and he doesn't completely understand. Thank god we have each other here.

One more thing - you are not being selfish, you are not feeling sorry for yourself, you are grieving for someone very very dear to you. Keep taking it one day at a time, do only what you absolutely have to, let things like housework take a back seat for a while and most important of all, look after yourself and whenever you do get a minute to yourself, do something that makes you feel good, even if it's eating some chocolate! Bit by bit, it will get a little easier but it's so so tough.

Sorry, I've waffled a bit there but hope some of it has helped a little.

Some more big ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))). Keep talking to us hun, we are always here for you X

Hi all,

Thanks for positive vibes ...... I know you are right Sam, and I will get there, i just feel so self absorbed at the moment. I will pull myself through as you have, thank-you so much for your kind words xxxxxxxxx

Ems, I know what u mean about feeling right on the edge of a nervous breakdown... sometimes I feel like I just wanna scream and shout, smash things, do whatever to let all this pent up aggresion out.... maybe thats what I need a scream and shouting rage. We will get through the marriage part.... this is a real test of our vowels, but I am sure your Dad and my Dad would be broken hearted if we were to fall apart, they wouldn't want us to be like this.

Sorry Jacs, dont know anything about fungating tumor.... although i do know that when my mums mum had cancer, the tumor's burst through the skin and were weeping lots, they had to be dressed every day..... am more than happy to find out more from mum ( mum was nan's carer) if you want me to.

Got too dash out now, will try and pop back in a bit, but then off to work a shift a gatwick airport at 3.00 o'clock..

Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx