For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

hiya ruby....what a lovely day you had....

OMG...the yellow and blue shop....It's been a long time since i went to one....just the mention of it has re-started my addiction to napkins...!!..

hope you're ok now after seeing the mask......i put mine away in a cupboard now.....

so glad you enjoyed your day...

love and hugs jackie xx

Welcome home, Ems, yay! to posh treatment for LM, and also hurrah for me, because I have had a visitor and she gave me a lift into Bicester so I was able to get out of the house for a bit. So now I am in less of a grump.

xx

Welcome home Ems lovely to be all snuggled up with your little one and have all those you love around you

What a week it has been so much happy news for so many at once

LM in the posh ward how good is that hope Tim doesn't have too much longer to wait 

I am sorry you have been feeling down Odin and it is good to hear it has passed and I hope your aches and pains from the fall are not causing you to much of a problem

So proud of Ruby it took a lot to do what you did 

It's also good to hear Hils had a visitor and an outing and is now less of a grump and also new pink slippers (what a lot of ands)

And yes warp land has been a great help to me too it has been a place to laugh when I didn't think I could even raise a smile it has also been a place I have found friends and support

Big Hugs to all

Cruton xxx

ps still hairy the problem is the hair has to be dark for laser removal and mine is blonde being a natural blonde of course says she with nose growing by the second

 well it is on my face as for the rest of me welllll

Evening all,

Well don't blame me but here is the poop game website!  http://www.poopgames.org/

I'm not quite sure what sort of person thinks up these shit games, must be someone into toilet humour big time.

LM, I am fishing a canal tomorrow and there are quite enough loonies about on the tow path and in boats without you dressing up as a fish! (I don't eat the fish they all go back alive.) I spend half my time on the canal dodging bikes, avoiding stepping in dog shite and keeping my tackle safe from loose dogs and kids. I'll be back to the quieter lakes and rivers after this weekend.

Glad to see that Hils had a visitor and got out for a bit, a nice surprise. Happy days.

Tight lines

Tim xxx

Cruton... who said blondes have all the fun??? I believe you about being blonde... and I don't have a nose growing too long either....  The nice ladies and gents with the big manchine at the hospital got rid of my pubes free of charge...and they didn't seem to care what colour they were...  mind you, wasn't very comfy and it took 6 weeks to do!  Shame they missed the hairs on my chinny chin chin... I wonder if the free early menopause is going to make me a proper bearded lady now....  oooh can't wait to find out!

Tim- good luck and  I will save the fish costume for another time... I don't know, you try to help some people.... and do you get any thanks? No.

fnar fnar snigger snigger to keeping your tackle safe from dogs... what sort of dogs do they have your way? gert rude ones by the sound of it... Porbably I am not there with my sausages eh?

when you go back to the quieter lakes, can I come out with my fish costume then??? Oh go on....

Oh and I didn't think Bristol had that many lakes...

Can I suggest you take your family to Sweden for a summer holiday? Nice hot sunshiney weather and friendly people (a bit bonkers, but friendly) and go to Dalsland. Look it up on google. I am taking my class there in July as a leaving school trip. Best fishing ever and when you say lakes and lots of them... this is what I mean!

I think you deserve a treat.

Hillary, I hope you enjoyed your curry and trip out and I suspect ems is snoozing.... so better whisper... 

So I won't shout at you Ruby for not going out for your walk... shopped in by the old man... that's outrageous!!

I am feeling pious cos I went for a swim. I got the giggles and nearly drowned...

 I went early after last week's misery of swimming with the normals and realising how not normal I was... so back to granny time. I got overtaken by a little kid for a while and then him and his family went out... then there was just  an old man with a huge belly swimming on his back doing a sort oof upside down breaststoke. He looked like a wrinkly old tortoise with his big curved belly... He was at one side so I went to the other side. another almost identical old man got in and started doing the same funny on his back swimming with his belly out..  3 of us in the entire pool and the 2 tortoises managed to have a head on collision! Hahaaaaaaa Me and the life guard were killing ourselves laughing. I nearly pissed myself. Actually,  that is something I am beginning to worry about but that's another story.... lets just say GC keeps asking me how my 'waterworks' are and I keep wondering why he does that... I think I now know why... Oh bugger.

i could soon become the Queen of Toilet Metaphors ... crapping yourself, pissing yourself... the lot!

Anyway, I suspect there is something on the telly you are all watching so may go off and have a look at that televisual device.

My poor cat has been put on a diet by the vet. He keeps running into the kitchen and staring at his bowl looking forlorn... He often gets fed when he comes in so he keeps going out the cat flap and coming in hoping for some food.... poor fat cat. at least he is burning a few calories off in the process I guess...

Have a good evening you lot

Little My xxxx

I don't know what people do do of a Saturday night, I've checked the telly and there's sod-all on that so that can't be it. But never mind, it's nearly time for bed anyway, I've had a busy day - washed my bedclothes, ran the hoover round (I say run, it was more a controlled stagger), had a visitor, been for a wander round Bicester, caught the bus back, managed to get my bedclothes back on again, ordered Indian food online, and talked to my brother on the phone. Wow. I never used to manage to do as much as that before I got ill!

xx

Der Litlle My, sorry that should read Dear Little My!

Just saw that you have your operation date. Good luck with that, I will be thinking of you. No matter what happens in the next few weeks I will come back on here just to annoy you!!!

I havent read all your bits and pieces lately, been a bit busy, just wanted to let you know I will be thinking about you too.

Water works??? I know all about them, catheters you know! My favourite subject, sorry rant.

Taake care you,

Respect xxxx

Ha LM, about 6 pages back (nose growing by the second) you mentioned a very important date, Friday, 16th March. That's great news! I know it's also something to worry about, but knowing you, you will go for it and make it a success.

A party on the 19th wow! When I was in Spire hospital in Cardiff for a colonoscopy I had lunch included. It was very good, but I was told I could only choose from a certain section of the menu. It was a lovely relaxing day in my private room, once the surgeon had stopped sticking things up my arse. But count me in on the party, is this on your bill or are we all being treated on the NHS? That's the sort of NHS treatment I approve of!

The Glan Usk Suite sounds very grand; do you think SC found out you shop at Waitrose?

Welcome Home Ems, when you wake up that is!

Tim, good luck with the competition, and I should certainly consider LM's advice about Sweden, you could get invited to dine with Royalty. If you catch a fish which is a bit larger than usual say "booh" to it, sorry that should have been "pooh", and if it laughs don't throw it back in.

I looked at the pooh games and thought it was like finding life on another planet in the Universe. I never thought there could be another group obsessed with pooh like ours.

Well done Ruby on your expedition to Edinburgh! We were all glad to accompany you, but I must say my womble pants were a bit small, I think they must have belonged to some Brownie. Dining ala Swedes - was it meat balls? I also went to the big blue and yellow box to look at kitchens today. I was confused! It's bad enough having labels in English and Welsh, but having them in Swedish? I shall take a translator next time.

Glad you got a visitor Hils and went to Bicester. I have relatives in Bicester, but haven't heard from them for years.

Cruton, I was going to call you Pinocchio but used the long nose thing myself so thought better of it! Why not dye that hair to be lasered? I must say this really comes from what you wish for. You wanted hair and you got it! So what if it's not where you wanted it? Some people are never satisfied.

Love, cwtches and stor kram to everyone,

Odin xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Respect... nice to see you popping into warpyland... and your true spiritual home cos I know you are a nutter the same as the rest of us thoough I know you don't feel like laughing so much at the moment..... I am so touched that you thought to come over and say all those lovely things to me when you are in such a difficult time yourself... Thank you so muuch. I was very touched and grinny reading that :) And you know that all of warped are here for you any time you need it..... Oh and if my waterworks do pack up.... you are on bladder patrol being an expert OK?!  (hope I don't end up swapping one bag for the other... hmmm) And I look forward to you coming over and bugging me :)

(the rest of you, Respect is being bugged by David Cameron we think, (long story won't bore you here.. read her blog if you really want to know) so I have been asking her to stand next to the lamp and demand free chocklit and shiny things for us... ) Not sure if he has got the message yet, but anything else you want... direct line here....

Hilary... my goodness woman what's got into you??? I know Judy's away but honestly, you don't need to run round like a complete loon.... ! I got tired reading that... There was nothing on the tellyvisual device... P sulks if I don't go and sit with him and watch telly in the evenings for a bit 9pm to 10.15pm to be precise and have a cup of tea. (he has ocd... hence precise times.... I noticed yesterday that we have 24 pints of milk in our fridge. We now live within a 10mins walk of shops that have lots of milk... ho hum. Wish I could somehow get him to hoard fun stuff like chocklit oranges or trollbeads or something! :D Hahaaa that made me snigger) anyway, I digress.. we watched a programme about Ken Russell and then a bit of QI until I could feign tiredness and go to bed. I wanted to play my turn at wwf cos you have suddenly started winning and that is so much more fun than crap on the telly....

Odin, you should try being Swedish and going to the big blue and yellow box.. the trouble is, you ask for something promouncing it in the swedish such as 'shurp'...and they just look at you until you write it down and then they look at you as if you are stupid and say oh you mean 'kop'.  So I suspect I won't be much use... My Viking conversion seems to be going well.. mwa hahaaaa.

I'm not buying you all dinner.... the private ward is (if they let me on it) I wonder if you get napkins and a butler.... hahaaaaa Oh I hope they let me on.. i could have so much fun .... says she forgetting the small matter of why she is going in ....

Oh and I need to rearrange my appointment with GC cos its the week after the op and apart from still being in the hospital possibly,  imagine how awful/funny  it would be if I had the reversal and then went to see GC a week later and he said oh its back, we need to remove your bum and give you a bag....! Thats funny in a warped way.....

Oh and you don't get to go home from hospital until you've done a poo! If I get on the nice ward and it is nice in there.... how long do you reckon I could out for???? hahaaaaaaaa.

Sunday snuggly hugs to you all

Little My xxx

Well Good morning to all you loons and my goodness, there's lots going on since Friday, what a busy lot you are.  I'm on my second coffee and just fininshed trolling through all your news and antics:).

Tim, well done on no hangover.  That's an art we get in our more mature years eh.  It's one i forgot at newyear and did the silly mixing drinks and not having my pint of water before and after.  Awwww, you did sound very content though on Friday.  That hairdressers in Weatherspoons must do good business.  We love you too Tim.  Happy fishing today, though you do have to put up with stupid Sunday walkers.  I hate walking the dog at weekend 'cos it's when all and sundry are out.  Kds, bikes, prams and dogs that look startled to be out at all.

Brilliant news LM for reversal date even though it will cause butterflies, which is to be expected.  But us loony lot will hopefullly lighten the load :) I do hope you get the private bed, after all Lady, Duchess, Countess blah blah LM with her silver spoons should have nothing less.  OOOh can we all come for a madhatter tea party, or maybe not 'cos you'd get thrown out.

Ruby, What a busy day you had in Edinburgh, and i'm amazed you found yourself out of Ikea.  It's a maze of colourful and shiny things in a neverending labyrinth.  I once went in and knew exactly the one item I wanted and where it was in the warehouse bit, but still had to trudge through the whole place and trying to shortcut through bits is a NO GO! A few hours later and i finally got to my goal YAY!  Having said that, I love the stuff and am lucky that we have one about 5 miles from us and mmmmm the meatballs are yummy.

Hils has been busy too, i see. Bloody hell Hils you're meeting yourself coming back.  And you must have done my hoovering 'cos i only swiffied yesterday.  Glad you got into Bicester for some fresh air, though it was really cold wasn't it.  So that indian takeaway was a good idea to warm up hmmmmmm yummy.  We had chinese takeaway yesterday at my daughters, six of us round the table all tucking in :)  Oh and it's so nice to get into fresh bedcloths isn't it, i love that feeling.

Hiya Ems, from your snuggly bed at home, hurray.  Relax and enjoy your bedclothes too.  Onwards and upwards to you and a big hug xx

Finally i'm so glad to see Odin feeling brighter now.  Those little downers just creep up on us sometimes and bop there you have it.  But up you get, dust yourself off and on and up.  Love and hugs to you, and i hope you are feeling pysically better after you your fall.  Falls can really take it out of you and knock you for six as they say.  Take care xxx

Right i'm off to mums for a visit.  Should have been there an hour ago, i'll blame you lot

Take care all

Jan xxxxxxxx