For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Who's Birthday??????????? not yours....please dont tell me it yours and Im thick and couldnt work out all your birthdays when you were doing the megga bloody history lesson with dates........HELP!!

Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY if it is, and save it for later if it aint

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Happy Birthday LM, or is it your friends Birthday?

I'm OK LM, shouldn't I be?

Think you've just invented a new game show by the sounds of it, spot the head tilter.

Have a lovely day LM and everyone else, hope Ems has a nice joyride.

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

OH OH OH OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I just came on to say it wasn't my birthday but my friends and saw mumsy's post was 1001!! so looked to see who did 1000 and it was me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We did 1000 posts of warped!!!!! WHOO HOOOOOOOOO . Did you ever think there was so much drivel to be said?

Pop! Party poppers and champagne and of course  Ballooons (bum and normal) and hugs all round...

I am going out for coffee with my mates. I am excited cos I don't get out much these days. The mate whose birthday it is invented the term GC. She is my real life version of you lot. She was complaining about the toilets not flushing your poos down at school the other day. I said I wouldn't know... (ha ha) and she shouts out at the top of voice across the office, we aren't all so fortunate as you to have arse cancer and  a colostomy bag! She works opposite Simon. Nuff said.She also wanted me to cry so she could come in with me to see GC so she could cop a look at his shiny face in the pretense of being supportive.  I offered Simon my balloons when I've finished with them as he was being crude with me about my bum being out of practice and how big his was ( I won't go into details as you may be eating your breakfast, but suffice to say he has just come back from a week in Ibiza with his boyfriend)

He declined my offer strangely enough. I also asked him if he wanted to go bum ballooning instead of me... he didn't want to do that either... I don't know, some people are such party poopers and  don't want any fun....

Anyway, I thought I might get my friend a packet of rolos for her birthday...

Now, some of my friends on here seem to be a bit like I was on Tuesday. They get extra big Viking stor kram and the rest of you get cwtches and bug hugs. (just as good actually)

Hilary did suggest that 1000 would be the number to stop warped and move on, but of course we didn't even notice we were almost there and went over...ah well. 2001 I reckon should be the number...

Better get writing more drivel then eh?

This is my last Friday off work. Next week I have to go in every morning till 11am for a lesson I can't put off any longer. So I shall enjoy today as best I can. So therefore I shall not be behaving myself this morning, so the rest of you do something naughty too... I shall be asking questions later.....

Little My xxx 

That was when we (you, LM) were talking about giving up on Warped, but in light of recent developments in MacLand Warped looks almost saintly by comparison!

I have had my blood (yummy!), but feel no better, and Judy thinks my breathing has got worse. I can't walk and talk at the same time any more, so bang go my chances of ever starring on The West Wing, even if it were still running. Meh, I say. Meh!

Shall be back for more once spoons have re ... re-whatever spoons do. Judy bought me a tiny spoon on a chain yesterday. That was the high point of the day.

Love and hugs to all, and fish to those to whom it applies.

xxxx

I hope you have all been naughty??? I have, but I'm saving it for a blog cos I haven't done one in aaaaages.

Just popping in to say there is potentially a new loon on the block called clairdeloon or clair/claire/clairybel. You know me with names... she has a name that is a bit like her user name and no doubt i will change it soon enough.... something to do with clair.... Anyway, she's having a shit time and needs a laugh. Please give her the usual warped welcome if she dares to step in here.... go on auclairdelaloon, you know you want to!!!

I have to go to a concert at school tonight and look interested and sensible. Its going to be a long night. Why do we teach children to play instruments? Cos then we have to sit and listen to them parping on... I offered baggy to parp away with the horn concerto. They declined my offer. Can't imagine why.... Gonna be a long night... feel like Homer when he has to go and listen to Lisa...

Come on clairybelly, I dare you! JUMP!

Cwtches and spoons and ladles and krams and fish and vodka and whatever you want... bag o shite for throwing at people maybe...

Little My xxx

Be careful LM, I'm watching you!

A concert at school. Aww how thrilling. We always enjoyed our children's concerts, but could never understand why the teachers looked bored. We had endured the hours of practice and surely the teachers could see how much better the performance was?

Yes, LM, I met jellybelly in chat and thought then that she would be a magnificent addition to warped!

Hils, spoons rejellyrate.

Why do you leep carping on about fish?

Stor kram,

Odin xxx

Good evening all,

well, i'm 5 cans in on carling and still going.  Feel quite squfflly oops.  We are watcheing jimmy carr on telly.  Stand up that we watched last year at manchester, he was brill.  nite nite evry one, think i shudnt tried to communicate wen pissed. but love you all.  you are there when the real world isnt, does that make sense, i hope it does

take care love

jan xx

Oh dear just re read my post from last night.  Wasn't I in quite a state.  All sober now and not touching alcohol for a while hehe.  I have been feeling quite stressed and upset lately, mostly about my dad who is sinking into depression.  Sorry for being so gloomy, it's not allowed on warped, how can I lighten the mood for you all on this lovely Saturday afternoon.  

OOOOh yes, I know.  I can tell you all a big sectret 'cos I know it's safe with you all.  My daughters partner, whom she lives with sneakily called to ours a few days ago.  He wants to propose to her at Christmas and has asked my help in finding her ring size and choosing a secret ring for her.  I'm honoured and excited that he's asked me.  So SSSShhhhhhhhh.  I'm going out with her this afternoon but kon't quite know how I will get her to size her finger without getting suspicious.  Oh what a big responsibility :) hehe

Take care all

Love and hugs

Jan xxx

Jan, if drunk posting isn't allowed on Warped, where can you drunk post? I'm just jealous because I can't have booze. It says so in the Little Red Chemo Book, but I can tell without that that Mr Crab would kill me if I tried.

I'm sorry you've been feeling down. Depression is one of those things that affects everyone around - seeing someone depressed and being unable to do anything about it is a nightmare. *hugs* to you, and your dad too.

Has your daughter got a ring she wears that you could sneak away for a size comparison? Although if she's anything like me - which I hope for her sake she isn't - all her fingers will be different sizes, including the same fingers on the left and right hands. It might work as a ballpark estimate, at least, and then if it doesn't quite fit she can get it changed afterwards.

xx

Jan, that's lovely, and will perhaps give all the family a lift. Could you 'arrange' a conversation on finger sizes "How lovely and slim your fingers are?" and perhaps get her trying on the family heirlooms.....using different fingers. A bit contrived but it might work.

Everybody else, I have been reading your emails so am just about keeping up. Have been busy, busy, busy, but always thinking of you all.

Have spent much of the last couple of days in a merry haze, as I was at the Good Food Show on Thursday, and as well as loads of drink and eats samples, I have got a lovely photo of myself and the lovely Glynn Purnell :-)

Bottoms up

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