Reactions to being someone with cancer ….

HI SarahH21 

It was a strange one for me at first and I fully understand and indeed respect your choice as to who to tell and what information to pass on to friends and family.

Let me say whilst all cancers are very serious Prostate Cancer is the most survivable yet almost the only one without any form of National Screening so that had a little influence on my choice to "go public". Secondly although on diagnosis I was 66 - I have a job where I meet client's 4/5 times a day (I have an accountancy practice) and with my stay in hospital, various medical appointments, 20 days of Radiotherapy looming and changes to my body (pronounced man-boobs and increased weight - due to hormone therapy) i thought it best to "come out" with my cancer diagnosis - as questions would be asked - and although my staff are amazing - and accountants are notorious for changing figures - I thought it best to be open.

The great thing is I have the support from my family - even to the point where one daughter has bought me a badge to put on when out with my mates which says "No cancer talk today - I am having a day off".

So that's my honest take on it - I do respect each and everyone's views as it's such a personal thing.

My best wishes to all - Brian xx

Hi Brian,I agree it’s a personal thing and there is not a right way,we all have to do what feels best for us.Education is a good thing especially as men can be more reluctant to talk about medical matters than women.

winkers60 said:

as men can be more reluctant to talk about medical matters than women.

You are so right there. The number of wives/girlfriends/female partners on the Prostate Cancer forum is probably more than men.

But don't forget - we are the tough breadwinners - the head of the household - until we are ill - and turn into something quite different - me included!!!!

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Brian

Yes, I completely understand where you’re coming from and also respect others’ decisions on telling people etc. it can actually be very different to have a cancer directly related to the hpv virus and therefore sex, and when even friends you’ve had for years express their feelings as to why you have it, then it for me definitely had a negative impact.

Suddenly they were Google cancer experts too, thinking they could tell me my potential chances of survival while insinuating it was my own fault to have it in the first place! I didn’t appreciate their smugness, but they aren’t in my life now and I don’t feel it’s any loss. I’d rather be without friends than have those. i quickly learned only to interact with those who are non judgemental because when I was extremely ill I didn’t need the criticism. 

It’s very different for us all, and everyone’s point of view is valid, according to their personal circumstances,

Sarah xx

My cancer was colorectal and I remember a lovely neighbour, whom I've known for years, saying quite matter of factly that it would be dealt with quite easily. It was just a matter of cutting it out and joining up the two ends of the bowel again! Job done - easy. I didn't tell her that it was going to be a 7 hour surgery resulting in an ileostomy and a stay in ICU, and that I was absolutely petrified.

HOWEVER, for the next two years, at least once a week there was either fruit or flowers left on my doorstep by that same neighbour. Such kindness. I honestly think that she said what she said initially to try to make me feel that all would be well and there was no hurt intended.

Living in a small village where everybody knows everyone else, there wasn't really a chance of keeping matters secret so it felt easier to be open (to a certain extent anyhow). I've recently moved to a bigger town where I know no-one and will therefore be keeping very quiet!

hi grahamthegreat, could not agree more 80% ignorance and 20% fear. Having been in healthcare for many years and 5 years in end of life care which was 95% cancer, I have many friends from healthcare and everyone has been great. my non healthcare "friends". with a few exceptions totally different, which because of my experience knew it would be.i told my non medical friends i was having cancer tests " i already knew it was terminal and left it up to them to respond some friends really surprised me others not so much. now everyone who matters to me knows and others, and just to remind them i have t-shirts with healthcare and cancer charity logos on and wear them. PS as a group we have lost three friends this year to cancer so had some idea how they would react. some friends have really surprised me.