How do you get over one parent then handle fact other is having chemo and they don't know you know 

  • Hi Martindingle2022

    My name is Fiona and I am one of the cancer information nurses. Thanks for getting in touch with us at what sounds like a really difficult time for you.   

    There’s no one way to get over a loss but there are ways to deal with and help you cope with the loss of a parent. It’s even more complicated given that you are dealing with your other parent having chemotherapy and not being able to talk to them about it.

    I’m not sure why your parent hasn’t discussed their treatment with you or how you know what’s happening with them. Maybe they are trying to protect you from more worry and stress at the moment. It might be an idea to think about talking to them about your concerns. Sometimes it can help to let them know that you might cope better if you have all the information around their diagnosis and treatment. This is a conversation that only you can judge whether to have or not.

    There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. The most important thing is getting support as you deal with your loss and the stress you are currently facing with your other parent. Marie Curie have a bereavement support service that might be worth looking at or if your parent was in a hospice, they can often organise counselling for you.

    It’s about finding out what suits you and helps you best. If you try something and it doesn’t work then don’t give up, take another look at your options, and try something else to help you cope. Some people find that support from friends is all they need but others do need extra support.

    It would also be a good idea to give your GP a call to make them aware of everything you are coping with now, they can also talk through what local support might be available and of help to you.   

    It would also be worth thinking about joining our bereaved family and friends’ forum. Sometimes the support from others in a similar situation can be invaluable. Have a think about what might help and don’t be frightened of asking for help.

    Best wishes and take care


    Cancer Information Nurse Specialist  

    You can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or send us an email.