My Husband is becoming aggressive and lies a lot to me.

Hello Isobel IRG

I am sorry to hear that things are feeling so difficult and destressing right now. Thank you for taking the time to talk us through what’s been happening for you as a family these past few years, as I can hear that you have all been coping with so much since your husband was diagnosed with cancer. I am really glad you have got in touch for support.

I wonder Isobel, have you spoken to your husband’s healthcare team about these concerns and the changes in personality and behaviour you have observed? It feels important that they are made aware of his struggles with memory, worsening mood swings, aggression, your concerns over Alzheimers and whether chemotherapy could be causing or contributing to this, so they can explore this and help he, and in turn you, be supported as much as possible right now. Often when having chemotherapy, you will be given a direct number for the chemotherapy unit to discuss treatment related concerns? Or your husband’s Cancer Nurse Specialist and GP are important contacts of support you can reach out to.

It sounds as if initially you felt your husband’s changes may be due to the emotional impact of being diagnosed with a cancer which is incredibly sensitive and understanding Isobel: absolutely some can find that they experience anger, frustration, shock or an overwhelm which could impact a person’s way of being at that time, and perhaps some emotional support could be helpful (our booklet How Are You Feeling? talks through the emotional impact a diagnosis can have). But the fact this has been continuing, worsening, and impacting your day to day lives so much, it feels very important to speak to his healthcare team so they can be considering all aspects and offering any additional physical, emotional and psychological support needed.

From what you describe it’s clear that throughout this challenging journey you have been supportive emotionally and practically Isobel, but it’s understandable that this may have reached a point where at times you are struggling to get through this and knowing how to cope from here is feeling so difficult. It’s important you have support for yourself too, and that you feel safe. Do you speak to anyone about how you are feeling at all may I ask?

It can sound so tiny when faced with what feels like so much, but talking can really help in allowing you to release some of what you are holding and help process your experiences, getting a clearer idea of how you may be feeling and what you may need to help find your way through right now. As everyone feels and copes in their own way.

If you feel able, it sounds as if it may be helpful to give us a call on our Support Line: here we provide a listening ear and a space to talk things through. We also have our Cancer Information Nurses available on the line who could be helpful if you’d like to discuss chemotherapy and potential side effects in general terms, along with our Money and Work Service if either of those areas are adding questions or worry at the moment. You can call us on:0808 808 00 00, 8am-8pm, 7 days a week or if preferred, speak with us via web chat.

If talking to others coping with a similar experience would feel helpful at the moment Isobel, you may want to reach out in our Family and Friends Forum on the Community.

There may also be local emotional support yourself and family could access nearby such as through a local Macmillan or Cancer Support Service. You can search what is nearby, here.

I do hope this is helpful. Please just get back in touch if you have any questions or would like to talk things through a little more.