Just emotionless

I found out this week that it's highly likely my father (78) has prostate cancer which has spread to his back, hip and lung. He has refused a biopsy and is now waiting for an MID scan. We have had a very toxic relationship since I was 10 ( now 60), and after two sessions of therapy I have finally come to terms with it. However, since getting the news I'm finding that I just don't feel anything. Whilst I'm concerned and sorry that he's going through this, I find my emotions are all about my mum. Is this normal after what I went through all these years?

  • Hello

    Thank you for getting in touch with us. I can see that since your Father’s diagnosis, your relationship with him has been on your mind but you aren’t feeling any particular emotions towards him. You mention that your relationship with him has been quite toxic for a long time. I guess it’s understandable you may not feel much emotion towards him with that being the case. It’s good that you have been able to have some therapy to help process your feelings about him. We are also here if you need to talk things through. You mention that your emotions are all about your Mum. Could you please tell us a little more about that Sian. How is she coping with things?

    You’d be welcome to contact our freephone support line 0808 808 00 00 which is open seven days a week 8am – 8pm. You can also get in touch with us on our webchat service or email us of you prefer. The Online Community has a family and friends forum which may be helpful for you to speak with others who may have a similar experience and can relate to what you are going through.

    Please do stay in touch with us Sian.

    David, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.

  • Thank you David for replying, I'm sorry it's taken a while to reply it's been one of those weeks and there never seems to be enough hours in a day anymore.

    Mum is coping, but only just! She's going through what I suspect are the usual range of emotions in these circumstances, fear, loss, dread, anger. She's already on anti-depressants but isn't sleeping well so I've tried to encourage her to go to see her GP and maybe get a gentle sedative such as amitriptyline, but so far she hasn't been. Unfortunately she can be very stubborn when she wants and I can only advise her. 

    Dad's appointment has come through for a CT scan the week after next which hopefully will then give us a definitive diagnosis. In the meantime, I saw my own GP this week and whilst there spoke to him about my dad. He was very honest with me and helped to relieve some of my concerns of what the diagnosis could mean and the best way to emotionally support my mum. His main concern was obviously me as I've got a lot on my plate at the moment with caring for my husband, moving and trying to support mum, so he's worried that I'm going to be overwhelmed. Luckily I have a care support worker that I can turn to.

  • Thank you for replying 

    It sounds like a difficult time for your mum currently and you are right, the way she is feeling is natural given the circumstances. It's good that you are encouraging her to speak to her GP, it is important that they know how she is feeling so they can support her the best way they can too. Also it is good to her that you have reached out to your GP and it has appeared to help by relieving some of your concerns. 

    You have such a lot going on and it's nice to hear you can contact your support worker, you are always welcome to turn to us to too  as David mentioned previously we are here 7 days a week 8am-8pm by WebchatEmail  or by calling us on 0808 808 0000. 

    Please do take care and keep in touch if you ever need to. 

    Katie, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.