After losing my first wife to small cell lung cancer and managing to get past it bringing up my young son I met an amazing women and we have been together for 8 years unfortunately last week we found out she had cancer and I'm struggling I no I have to be strong but she so angry at the moment and when I try to help I am verbally abused as she .thinks I'm always using my previous dealings with my previous wife but I only trying to help just feeling alone and lost but its not about me as I not the one who is in a life threatening disease 

  • Dear


    Thank you for contacting Macmillan. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your first wife to cancer, and that your current partner has recently been diagnosed with cancer. It sounds like its been a tough time for you over the past few years.


    I want you to know that Macmillan is here for you all whenever you feel you need us. We have a variety of ways you can contact us, including on our Macmillan Support Line number 0808 808 0000, or through chat. We are open 7 days a week 8am-8pm and will always do our best to support you.


    DarrenR, I can see how much this is affecting you and can only imagine how you must be feeling just now. It can be incredibly tough supporting a loved one with cancer and managing your own emotions. You mentioned it was just last week that you found out she has cancer, this is a short time ago, and everyone processes their experience in different ways. It is normal to be feeling a range of emotions given what your partner is going through. I want you to know your needs matter and that there is a lot of support available to you.


    Can I ask how your partner doing is currently? I can see you mentioned she is angry. Does she have a good professional support network around her? Please do let her know we are here for her whenever she needs us.


    You sound as though you are a very caring partner which is lovely to see. Please remember your own wellbeing during all this DarrenR. You mentioned your wife sadly lost her battle with cancer; can I ask if you sought support following this loss? The reason I ask is grief is such a personal thing and takes time and the right support to understand and process. Sometimes those emotions that were linked with your first experience can be triggered by your recent experiences, it is important you get the support you need.


    DarrenR perhaps it would help to give you some information around support for both you and your partner. Firstly, as mentioned you can call us on the support line whenever you feel you need us, or if you have a query please do reach out.


    We have a site called Be.Macmillan where you can access information booklets and even order them free of charge to your address. This includes titles such as ‘Cancer and relationships’ and ‘Be There for Someone Facing Cancer’.


    We also have specific groups through our online community, including family and friends forum. You may find this useful to access to connect with others going through a similar situation to you.


    DarrenR if you noticed a change in your mood it may be worth reaching out to your GP, as they are the gateway to the services and can advise and support you in a variety of ways.


    Lasty DarrenR, I don’t wish to overwhelm you with information. Have you heard of Cruse or At a Loss? They are two organisations that support people who have lost a loved one. If you notice you are triggered by what’s going on for your partner just now, they have options and support available.


    I hope this information has helped today. Please know we are here for you whenever you need us. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have a query or require further support.


    Take the best of care,

    Becki, Information and Support Adviser

    Remember you can also speak with the Macmillan Support Line team of experts. Phone free on 0808 808 0000 (7 days a week, 8am-8pm) or by email.