Chapter 1

Have just logged on and found all the lovely messages of support from everyone, thank you so much. I will respond but am just a little too emotional right now. We met Joe's surgeon yesterday - i'm in shock, we are all in shock. He says that Joe must have a total gastrectomy because he believes that the cancer is a genetic fault within the stomach itself. I just didnt expect this and have absolutely no idea what this will mean for Joe longterm. On monday Joe and I will go in to hospital for a PET scan, laparoscopy and lung function test. In two weeks he begins the first of two cycles of chemotherapy, then, six weeks after chemo comes surgery. Joe keeps asking me how he will be able to eat without a stomach and I just cant answer him. He is so positive though and tells me there is no point in worrying because it wont make things better. He's gone to a festival tonight and Im so afraid but so happy for him. I think I drove him from the house nagging him to take Ensures and pills and waterproofs etc. None of my suggestions went down particularly well but he relented and took a bin bag for cover and a bag of 'essentials'. He just wants to be 'normal' and I know he's sensible but I just cant let go of my fears. Ive filled today with practical things - calls to Macmillan support, my university (ive stepped off my course), our GP and benefits helpline. This is something I can control at the moment so its proving therapeutic. My husband has just stumbled in to the kitchen sobbing - he's written some words for our boy and says that I can share them with you. The C word. One moment a smile The next a frown The word cancer rings out loud One moment of joy Gone in a flash Seems like my world Is going to crash My son, my son What an awful plight Together we'll stand In the fight of all fights