It seems customary to give a little background before launching; so....I am a 50 year old guy who was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last October, I had many of the usual problems such as breaking my collar bone (which indicated the whole issue) and chronic kidney failure. Thankfully after some exceptional treatment including several months of chemo and dialysis I am slowly recovering the other other side. I still have a number of side issues....but who doesn't?!
But this, as such, is not what brings me here (and while I am happy to swap views with other sufferers) it is the problem of talking that I want to discuss and maybe get some views on.
During my illness my wife of 18 years has been stellar, an absolute rock. Obviously she has had many down moments but we have remained close and able to discuss all between us.
This, however, has changed.
A few months ago my teenaged daughter confessed to suicidal thoughts and had made attempts to cut herself. She was also hearing voices and had barracaded herself in her room thinking she was being hunted. This was a bombshell that raised the household stress levels to new highs. We have sought help and she has been diagnosed with depression. Counselling and medication have followed and she is making some, albeit slow, progress.
This leads me to my dilemma. My wife is now soooo stressed, more about daughter than me, that I now feel unable to talk to her. Obvioisly my daughters scenario is causing me huge amounts of stress also, not least as I fear my illness may have been a contributing factor to the depression. and on the face of it we talk and discuss things still. However I feel distanced, I am terrified of bringing any issues up for fear of stressing dear wifey further. She is undoubtably bearing the brunt of our daughter problems, their relationship is reasonably good and daughter has said she doesn't want to talk to me for 'fear of making me more unwell'.
I hope this does not sound too self indulgent, as though I am 'competing' for wife's time and affection. I try to do all I can to help and support both my wife and daughter but now find myself unable to talk to them and unsure how best to support my wife in these times.
Au suggestions gratefully accepted.
FormerMember
So what a day; after a period when we at least seemed to be holding some level ground my darling daughter tried to overdose this afternoon. Thankfully we caught her before she could do too much damage (all my medication is kept under lock and key) but a visit to A&E followed. She is now home but a proposed move to a secure school as a day patient now looks likely to be in patient.
This is tearing us all apart; dearest wifey is predictably in pieces but holding it together well, I offer as much comfort as I can but at times this feels very inadequate. I dont know where to turn, I am (as is wifey) so incredibly stressed I panic my illness will return, both my jaw and back ache from tension, I cry often, at the slightest provocation, often having to run out of the room to hide this. But I also feel incredibly selfish thinking about myself. I desperately want my daughter to get better, at any cost, any, but I don't want to be back in hospital either. As much for the stress this would bring to wifey as for any other reason.
Depression and anxiety runs in my family, I have suffered before and am again - god knows its my genes that are hurting my daughter.
I am not sure if anyone has any suggestions, I know I need to talk to someone, I am not sure who, either way I find it therapeutic to scribble, so forgive me,
Thanks
