Just having a muse after hearing from a friend, that a mutual friend was asking after me and asking how things were going for me. So I thought I'd turn here to ponder and muse, and maybe make others think too.
Why do we as a society, ask people how other people are doing instead of asking the person themselves how they are?
I mean, think about it. In this day and age with all sorts of communication devices and apps and such, it is the easiest it has ever been to be in contact with people. Facebook, Facebook messenger, WhatsApp, Skype, text, email, Instagram, Twitter, phone calls, letters, Snapchat, and who knows how many other things are out there. It can take 30 seconds to grab your phone, open your means of communication, and drop a minimum of two words. "How's you?"
If the person you're messaging doesn't want to go into detail, or chat - at that point then they can come back with another two words. "Fine thanks" and it can end there. However, the person on the receiving end has had some human contact and knows they're being thought about, and someone cares. Or if they're struggling with something, or need someone to chat to - you've just given them a lifeline, someone who cares and is reaching out. Because sometimes, making that first approach when you're not feeling great or are needing to ask for help is the equivalent in your mind of climbing Everest.
However, from experience, this isn't what happens. You hear from this person or that person that x, y, z were asking after you and sending their best. Or sometimes, you never hear people were asking after you. So you're dealing with whatever you're dealing with, and weeks can go by with 0 human contact. You feel alone, abandoned by everyone, like they don't care, you're not important to them, and you've been forgotten. Cancer, and other issues that change your life dramatically have that effect, and patients often feel less than they were. This is partly because of what the disease does to us, but also because of how our friends and family then act around us.
I don't for a minute believe there is any maliciousness meant in this behaviour. I think people genuinely do care when they ask after you to others. However I would love there to be a bit more thought behind those words. Your friends and families lives have been turned upside down. Sometimes for a short amount of time, sometimes more prolonged, and sometimes forever. They can no longer do what they did, go where they want, see whomever they wish.
Taking myself as an example, I worked every day and I was a part of an amateur theatre group. I went out with friends, I took walks, I browsed markets for as long as I wanted, and I could catch a bus anywhere I wanted to go. Now, I sit on the couch and go to and from medical appointments by taxi, because the bus stops are too far away. I can manage to be out of the house for a couple of hours max, before I need to be back because I'm sore and exhausted. And I think I can count on one hand the number of people - friends and family, and I have a BIG family - who get in touch first and regularly. So for me, if those people who keep asking after me to others, actually messaged me directly - immediately I'd have at least double the human contact I do now, and I'd feel like people actually gave a stuff.
So have a think. If there's someone out there you know is having a tough time - don't ask someone else how they are doing. Go to the source directly and ask them how they are doing. Give them that contact, show them you care, and actually be there for them rather than just paying the relationship lip service to make yourself feel better.
Think about it, and put yourself in their shoes.
