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FormerMember

5 Feb 2017

My husband delayed going to the Dr until he had no choice. He was diagnosed with colorectal cancer and told that he would need a temporary colostomy and operation plus radio and chemotherapy. He was 51. He refused and has refused all treatment ever since. He hasn't had a scan for 18 months and he refuses to discuss anything with his family. He has sought help from people on the internet and put his faith in people who promise to cure. This has caused an enormous rift and although I have a lot of support from friends and friends who have been on a cancer journey I have no-one to talk to about how to deal with our situation because there isn't anyone else who has refused cancer treatment. My husband's personality has changed and he is aggressive and prone to mood swings. We don't have an up to date diagnosis so have no idea what stage his illness is at. His cancer was stage 3 in January 2015.

If there is anyone out there going through the same constant worry and stress as me please get in touch, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you

FormerMember over 7 years ago

Evening and thanks so much for your reply. You're right, the quality of life issue was really why I initially didn't want to have treatment.

What I probably didn't get across in my rambling post is that I'm really glad that I was talked into having the surgery done as it's undoubtably given me the improved quality of life I wanted, at least for the present.

To be honest, I'm ambivalent about not being able to have chemo, as in the short term, when many others are suffering pretty horribly,short term pain for long term gain, I've been able to get on with my life and really build up my strength, stop drinking, eat well, sleep well and be pretty stress free, all things that aid recovery. Maybe I'll regret this at some stage, but I've always lived life for the moment, and anyway I can't have chemo!

But where I was right was in being very apprehensive about the Follow Up experience. Your experience of the hospital not calling him back after 6 months for a follow up sounds par for the course now. Too many patients, too few resources and kind, able staff being run ragged and trying to paper over the cracks. Hospitals can never admit they've messed up so it's much easier to blame the patient. This can be really really stressful for a patient to deal with, just at a time in their lives when they most need to be able to trust those who are meant to be helping them.

Try your GP. They can order CT scans at his hospital and get relevant blood tests done, and tell you and your husband the results without having to get the "team" involved, I think. He will then know if his way of dealing with it is working or not, and may be more amenable to contemplating surgery if it's really not. If you don't have copies of correspondence between the hospital and his GP, ask for copies which you're fully entitled to (they often don't tell you this).

Your GP should also be able to talk you through your very natural concerns about how his symptoms may develop and what to expect and what help they can give. I also feel an honest chat with your GP about exactly how you're feeling would be excellent for you, if you've not already done that.

It's an awful position for you both to be in but if there's anything I can do or say to help the situation please feel free to message me!

All the best, Patrick
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