How do I start?
well today is the first day I have been able to think about writing anything down
last Sunday 30 th June was the day my husband of 40 yrs died, he had been diagnosed 4 mths ogo with terminal lung cancer, the worst kind,most aggressive
he had hardly ever had a days illness in his life and had only been to the doctors a handful of times for minor things ,he was very strong a fighter ,tough as old boots in fact but the cancer took hold and ravaged his body until it couldn’t take anymore from him. He had had 1 lot of chemotherapy but then became very ill with 3 infections , pneumonia, pleural effusion and Covid ,he spent a lot of weeks in and out of hospital and he did eventually come home for the last 6 was of his life which is where he wanted to be ,at home with his family and my self and my 3 sons nursed him at home right to the very end
He was my friend ,lover soul mate ,husband ,my rock and my world . We met when I was just 17 and he was 26,we have loved each other ever since ,he was a charmer and he loved a good joke in fact he was a brilliant joke teller so dead pan that even after 40 yrs I still didn’t know when he was joking or not ,until the punchline of course
Anyway about today ,so I have a dog she is 8 years old a chocolate Labrador ,Jem who I talk to every day like she is a person,my husband used to say “she is a dog she doesn’t understand you “ and I used to say “she does she knows exactly what I’m mean haha”
i ave started taking her down to a local country park which she loves,I’ve been going every day since my husband died ,just feel I need to get out of the house,eveything in it reminds me of him and I get very upset most of the time but going out to the park being around the lakes the peace and quiet is somehow soothing ans seems to help me not forget but just something else to think about for a while.
Met my sister and her dog too down there ,everything feels wrong ,unnatural somehow without my husband but I guess that’s how it’s going to feel after being with someone for that many years
It helps me to keep busy doing something and it’s only when I get back home that I feel back on that roundabout of grief that’s so hard to cope with
ok that’s it for today hope you found what I’ve written helpful or made you smile bit maybe
