Post 250: You just can’t believe it…
First, may I wish everyone a happy, healthy and wonderful Christmas Day, full of love and laughter.
———
The lead up to Christmas has been a steadily growing worry about the memories of our Kev and his sudden death that still rocks us every day.
We have penned some messages over the last week to his lovely but traumatised widow living so far away in Long Island New York.
I too have been thinking backwards and forwards trying to make sense of my own issues surrounding my health. Especially the terrible outcome of the treatment plans.
Where am I? Where am I going?
Today I stayed out of the way of my industrious wife who was putting into place everything for the Christmas with our family that I should be helping with. How much of a hindrance would I be? I’ll never know now because I was up too late to get in the way of her plans that I would no doubt take exception to, in a nice way, and upset her applecart.
In fact I preempted the lunch she had made for me and put on a tray, so I could stay put a little longer in bed.
I could see that se had done so much to finish the finishing touches. She didn’t need me. I was not needed.
My Darling was tired but so chuffed that she had time to chat with her sister in Ireland and check in either her Christmas celebrations, however muted by a brother missing. A brother, Kev, that spoke to everyone on Christmas Day without fail, whose voice and jokes and laughter would not ring this year for the first time.
That didn’t stop the laughter I was listening to between the two sisters. There were eventual tears too. To be expected. Unstoppable tears for me too, I couldn’t hold back the sadness inside me for this brother in law I miss so much.
We parted with drying eyes and good wishes for a great Christmas Day.
Our eldest and his wife arrived from the far north of Cumbria with their presents and chatter and hugs. It was a great distraction from the thoughts of far away relatives and their plans for the big day.
There was talk of going to the midnight mass at the local village church we had walked to the other day. My Daughter in law was keen and I was too until after the pizza and chocolates (not together obviously) when my back started to play up and with the added emotional turmoil I decided to grab some tissues and head quietly to bed early. I could make my excuses via the texts where I could apologise without cracking up and spoiling the party.
What happened next was shocking, unbelievable and the last thing we could have imagined would happen.
Teddy, my Darlings brother from Ireland had earlier in the afternoon had a heart attack and died.
He leaves three kids and a lovely widow. RIP Teddy.
Oh boy!
What more can I say.
We live with plans and dreams and we need to stop procrastinating and just do them.
———
How I deal
with love and life,
Is easier with
my darling wife,
But when is her
that’s truly broken,
Is me that shoulders
her every emotion,
But news today
has un-stabled us,
And left us feeling
a huge great loss,
Our deepest thoughts
with you we share,
And lean on you
you’re always there,
———
Sleep well everyone.
