A Strange New World

1 minute read time.

When my wife died very suddenly and unexpectedly from cancer the world looked different the next morning. Nothing had changed but the world and everything in it looked different to me. I remember looking up at the sky and the sky looked different. It looked enormous and I felt lost as though I was the only person left on the earth.

The world is lovely, but most things mean little to me now. I feel like I'm sitting behind a glass wall, looking at the world but feeling nothing
Colours, trees, buses all the things I took for granted seem strange in a new way, as if they are objects, obtruding on me, out of place and unwanted. I am hoping this does not last, though my grief will.
I feel she didn't die, we just can never be together. But it feels like I have died inside, if that makes any sense.
Now I try to go on. Not much choice I guess !

 

 Anyone have a similar experience they could make comments about?

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Ian-kids, read  your blog, you relate your grief very well and I feel the rawness.  Yes, life seems to go on in a parallel way.  Do you have children together, how are they coping with you?  Thanks for sharing your sadness, take care.  Ann

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hello ian ,

    yes i felt very much the same when ju, first died , i couldnt see the sunshine or smell the flowers or listen to the rain it was such a sad place to be in even watching my children smile hurt so much  ,it will be 6 months for me on fri and last night was the first time i laid in bed and listened to the rain and fell asleep without the tv on since he died ,i felt a lovely sense of peace and tranquility, but im still very sad and miss him terribly but it is getting easier with time ,

    as it will for you , but ju will always be with me in my heart and soul as val will be with you , you will smile again ian but it does take time , take care hugs jenni xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Ian,

    Yes its a very dark world when you lose someone you love.Different people have different ways of coping. It will take a long time before that dark feeling starts to lift. I can only wish you all the Best.

    Take care and be safe Sarsfield.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Ian

    it has been 7 weeks and 3 days for me now. I still wonder how the world continued, how I kept breathing when he stopped, I still wonder.

    Things that were important before have no significance now, I cant be bothered to iron my clothes, if they arent ok creased then i can't be bothered with them. I keep clean but don't see the point in make up, leg shaving dressing smart, who for!!

    the thing that seemed strangest to me was that such an important person died and the world did not even pause to take a breath. It felt like the whole world should be in mourning but they didn't even care!

    I  walked a lot slower and only not are my steps getting to anything like a normal speed, my legs just did not want to move, why bother, what for. I still cant answer that but the world is feeling a little less alien now but only a little.

    T

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Ian I am so sorry for your loss I have said this to you before but I truly mean it.

    What you are feeling is natures/ the bodies way of protecting you.

    This will go on for some time until you can cope better with life without your loved one.

    I remember it very well. It was almost 2 years before I felt like anywhere near normal.

    The grieving never leaves you. I am 4 years on but I still feel the grief deep in my heart.

    Life will never be the same again.

    We learn to reinvent ourselves.

    I have made lots of new friends and do things I never did before.

    I go on holiday with a group of people at least once a year.

    I will always miss my husband but I have to live my life as I know my husband wanted me too.

    Ian just go with the flow. Do what you feel you should do not what you think you ought to. Never let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or behaving.

    It is your grief and is special to you. We all grieve differently.

    I wish you peace very soon.

    Take care Love Julie x