Sunday morning I had a call that just said ' your Dad has taken a nasty turn for the worst and they [the hopsital] think the family should come and see him if they wish' I felt for my brother in law having to make this call to me... I could hear it in his voice - must remember to say to him he did it really well... I just said 'ok , thanks' and put phone down...
On arrival the warning scale they use to manage risk and care was an awful sight... he had been ticking along at 3 or 4 for several days - not a bad score they said as he was suffering from pneumonia, lung cancer and had been having TIA's... Sunday was Day 16 in hospital... he had peaked at 9 and averaged 7/8 most of Saturday night and Sunday morning... hence the contact.
They have tried all sorts of drugs and there seems to be this amazing man [called Dad] whose body reists the infection with their help, not quite strong enough to kick it out... just keep it manageable... he is on a rebreather oxygen mask, having pain relief on demand... this is where I realised and so do my family that there is only a tiny chance he will pull through and go on to have his radiotherapy to cure the lung cancer. There is a gentle reminder that they are keeping Dad comfortable. There is talk of stopping the anti biotics as today is Day 18 and they have only managed to keep things manageable - reading between the lines - stopping this will allow the infection to become stronger and my lovely Dad will drift away with pain relief to this amazing fishing lake crammed full of all the ones that got away... the big fish and fish that he almost caught...
Every so often Dad opens his eyes and they are bright sparkly blue - the most beautiful eye colour you could ever wish for - cornflower is the nearest I can describe... he wrinkles his brow or twitches a foot to confirm he can hear as he has found it hard to speak. Because I know he can hear I have been telling him lots of things I remember from growing up, and he obviously knows some of the tales as he wrinkles at the right places...
Just off to do another stint at the hospital there are three shifts... Sunday everyone was there all day and night... then yesterday we sorted a rota so Dad isn't left alone. We know his scores drop rapidly when he is alone, when he hears other peoples machines beep, or hears bangs and crashes, he also jumps and his breathing races when he has his observations done, the nurses are being brilliant, calling his name and telling him what they are doing seems to make him less worried and of course when he gets scared his breathing goes faster which has a scary effect... so us talking him slowly back to a nice steady pattern seems to work well... without us would he not be so strong - must be a yes. Are we giving him a reason to fight by being there - well my Dad has never let anyone down in his life... a man true to his word and who always kept promises... so does he want to fight - of course he does.... and what does this tell me... that my Dad was and always will be the most inspirational man I have ever met....
Well off for another day.... will catch up later.
Jules xx
PS
Great news - Matthew got the trainee chef job and starts on Wednesday - he is so excited and keen to be working... starting on startes and cold desserts....
