I don't think this one will be very funny so sorry for that.. just thoughts rolling around that seem to be a bit wistful and weird... not sad at all, just... hmmm like the morning mists if you know what I mean... and you never know it might make you snigger along the way... lets see....
Its my son's birthday today. He is 20. Now I don't quite know how I ever got old enough to have a 20 year old and that is kind of scary to think I am, even if I was quite young when I had him, I am not grown up enough to grow someone else up as well... and how did I manage to get him this far whilst being so bloody silly... It is weird though cos I usually feel somewhere between 5 and 20 so how did that happen?
So, he is a strapping lad and off volunteering on a farm in Devon. Of course having Little My as your mum is going to have an effect on you. He is as bonkers and weird as they come... good bonkers though in the true British eccentric fashion. And apart from learning all the silly funny stuff from me, and crazy tastes in music from his dad, he managed to also come onto this earth with an attitude I wish I had had and not had to learn by getting cancer! He was born knowing about clouds and grass between his toes and has lived his 20 years so far doing just that and intends to carry on in the same way. He has never got angry and says he never does.I have nver told him off. He doesn't want material things or money or stuff (apart from CDs) and gets up early every morning to be outside and sit and watch the day unfurl and has done for his 20 years so far every day. He paints and draws. He rescues snails from paths and puts them on plants. .He loves nature and the slowness of time. He spends his weekends walking and being and sitting still watching the world go by. He thinks he is lucky to be dyslexic as he sees the world in an interesting way that we don't and he is just happy with who he is and what he is and always has been.... He managed to get through all that time at school not giving a stuff what people thought or whether he was cool or not etc and that gobsmacks me that i somehow got a kid that everyone loves and that inspires me. And I love him more than anyone of course and want to be with him today... grrr.
His response to me telling him I had cancer (and at that stage it potentially wasn't looking too good) was to say this..
I find it comforting to know that anyone can die at any moment and I might get run over tomorrow and die first and I am not scared of dying, I just don't want to make you sad. I know you feel the same, and if you do die, then its ok cos we know and feel the same and we can say bye first which is a good thing and I'll see you in the wind and the trees and the sea and I'll laugh, and if you get better then that is fantastic. We can watch the wind and trees and the sea together. Dying is not a problem, I just don't want you to be in pain and of course I would prefer it if you lived longer but its all ok.
We had this conversation lying on our backs looking at the clouds...
So, I am proud of my eccentric boy and I know he worries about me whatever he says and I love birthdays and I wish I could be with him today to hug him and celebrate life and love and courage (cos he does all 3 so well) but I can't cos he is in Devon and I am here out of breath from packing too many boxes.... and that makes me a little wistful and a little melancholic.
The house is starting to look weird and wistful too as we pack away the years into boxes and walls and shelves become empty and this is the last Sunday I shall sit here on this sofa and look at the view which at this time of year is stunningly beautuful. So again a wistful feeling pervades the air and the house....
I have to confess (and am bracing myself for the leg slappings coming my way) that I over did it again today packing up my study and did a trip to the tip with all the weird random stuff I found in the cupboard under the stairs.. do the weird stuff elves sneak in during the night and leave stuff there? Cos I don't remember putting all that junk in there, actually I don't even remember buying or owning or having even ever seen all that junk before... and why have we got 12 chargers in the kitchen drawer that we don't know what they are for charging.., there don't seem to be 12 recharchable items looking lonely and uncharged around the place.... weird.
I think we need a dating agency in our house or a 'utensils reunited' service or something cos there are so many halves of things wandering around our house looking for their other bit to make them useful. I am being cruel however and grabbing them and binning them consoling myself that we can buy new shiny things... Oh speaking of which...
On warped I had an idea to buy a very expensive bracelet. I talked myself out of it and the warped crowd talked me into it, so I thought i would go to the shop and buy it. I went online to check the credit card balance and somehow it was another £1000 was on there. How the hell did that happen? eek... Oh, train tickets £300, car warning lights, exhaust etc £300 Cat to vets £200 etc A few blog subjects coming back to haunt you eh? So I panicked and thought no bracelet. Then I thought, what the heck, some of that money is around elsewhere and I need shiny things.. but the shop was shut. So no bracelet- possibly just as well. Back to the internal debate fo to buy or not to buy..
Going to try to work less tomorrow after my fazed email- lets see if the message got through in reality or not... and it is windy bean lunch again tomorrow but I did make up a kit for school you will be glad to hear but here's a weird one for you...Baggy has constipation today and sunday best bum is living up to its name and doing stuff on Sundays and has had diarrhoea.. so I have been running to the loo all day for a crap despite baggy... I think I might be saving the NHS a few quid and doing a diy reversal.. Bloody weird (and annoying) And before you worry, I did ask GC about it and he drew me a picture if you remember of why it can happen... but still seems weird to me. and sorry, you nearly got a blog without any mention of poo in it... but not quite.
Now I am rambling and sorry for the oddness of this one, just thinking about my little boy and moving andmists on the hills and that so a bit boring for you lot.
Plenty of silliness soon I imagine what with removal men and BT and that
So the drinks tonight are birthday drinks... for Max today, Vikki yesterday and Tim tomorrow... Cheers!
Little My xxx
