I know Sunny says this will be the longest blog in history, but I think it might be my shortest as to be honest I am speechless!
ha ha fat chance of that... but might not be too funny etc cos my head is spinning
I was crapping myself this morning. yeah, we guessed you would be, you say..
No. I was crapping myself this morning! Literally!
So. I have a bag and a Sunday best bum kept polished and shiny clean for GC (except for the odd Rolo or 5) so I get up this morning and run to the loo and hmmmm how did that happen? (actually GC drew me a picture to show how, That's rubbish on both counts I thought, but who cares if he can draw or not if he can kick Hefty out and who cares about a poo if he can kick Hefty out :o) )
5 runs to the loo later (and thinking that's not fair on GC) I get dressed and Rolo-ed and off I go.....
Sit in the waiting room witht he Friday crowd who all look sooooo well.
Get my name called and sit in the little room for about 20 mins and the sympathy nurse walks past the room and i think if she comes in here, I'm running away cos I know what she means with her tissues etc and thinking I will go mad with GC doing his small talk of how are you and did you have a nice holiday etc when i just want the news ok?
But GC is gorgeous in so many ways and he pokes his shiny face around the door and says "scans are good that's the important news" and then he comes in and sits down and says Hi, how are you....?
Thank you GC. You are GC for so many reasons.
So, now I can breathe again.... we get down to business.
Your liver looks just the same as last time so all that "stuff" (his words not mine) on there seems to be just stuff so its ok. And the MRI - we can't see your tumour on it.
F***ing hell. That's that. Liver ok and they can't see Hefty. How F***ing cool is that?
So, lets have a feel he says. Be my guest handsome says Little My.... (Little Pube got her first outing today too and she behaved impecably- so proud!)
Groin first.. Oh sir, you spoil me... That feels good (cheeky lymphs either behaving or too p*ssed on all that gin to be out playing don't care which)
And Turn over... and he puts over the sheet (why bother eh?)
OUCH! sorry, ouch sorry ouch sorry (seem to have had this conversation before)
That must have hurt he says How did you guess says Little My looking at the teeth marks on the couch...
anyway, I can't feel any cancer he says. (wonder what it feels like thinks Little My)F*** ing Hell.... can life ever get any better than this?
Loads of boring stuff about scarring and swollen bits and dilators and energy etc which you don't need to know..) except he tells me the importance of using the Little blue bag's contents and I did think do you want to help me on that one, but that's naughty... (and I hope he never reads this)
So, the first year is the most likely to come back and then its downhill from there till 5 years time when we assume you are cured. See you in a month and I will get in touch with surgeon consultant about having baggy removed. I say 6 months, he says 12 months. I'm going to tell him 6. Nice to see you, have a fun weekend celebrating.
Wish you could hug your shiny faced GC, cos boy did I want to give him one...
So my friends. Apart from bl**dy hell and F*** me and other unprintables, I don't know what to say.... but as you can guess I am grinning like the loony I am.
I was secretly hoping for good news but was expecting the fence sitting type good news they usually give you... not this.
And I don't have to be so nervous again so lucky you lot and now we start from scratch and if they find something its early and Mr. liver is ok which was the bit that was scaring met...
I have never had a too good to be true moment in my life before. Usually it is.(too good to be true) This is the first time, I have thought, a 1 would be good, but that would be too good to be true and its a 1. So now I know its possible, anything is.... so Hefty has been kicked into next week and beyond and how cool is that?
Wow. P gave me more hugs today than I have ever had in my life from him and he says, right, you'd better start looking at rings cos we are going to have some happiness and a new house and a wedding and kittens and for once we got what we deserve and I'm crying (actually I am crying now again just writing this) and I tell you why he says that.... apart from the obvious....
My family (and his) has a tradition of getting cancer and dying. esp when 48. Now, I always hoped to kick the trend of my parents and grandparents and even the odd other relative too and wished to live beyond 48. Getting cancer at 43 I thought well at least I broke the 48 curse even if early... but here goes, same as everyone else. Today opened the door to the fact that maybe just maybe Little My can continue to be the obstinate rebellious black sheep of the family and not do what they all do and ok I might get cancer but maybe I can be different and survive the f**ker and kick the 48 curse never to happen again.... and that feels bl**dy good on so many levels! and that's what I am bleedin well going to do Whoooo hooooo!
And I think of you lot and Gore Vidal saying about a little bit of you dies when you hear a friend's good news and I wish so much that all of you could have a day like today and I don't want to shout and cheer too much cos it must make some of you feel so sh*t but all I can say is, I won't ever waste this second chance, and I will do good stuff with it and make you smile and hold your hands when you need it and I don't know how I would have got to today without all your love and support and laughter and courage...
So,I rasie a glass to you all and cheers to love and courage and laughter. and I will knock em dead in the speech tomorrow just for you! cos you mean the world to me. (dam, better write the thing now! )
Love you
Little My xxxxxxx
