Little My had a bright idea that phasing into work would be a good plan...
The theory was do a little bit ... which turned into a little bit for 3 days and have 2 days off completely.... which turned into... well you know. Its me.
Of course if you have been with me from the beginning you know there is a difference between what Little My thinks and hears and what is realily. If you are new and unaware, somewhere in the bowels of blogland is one called something about reality checks... you'll see.
So. GC and GP say phase in, do a little bit and leave before you do too much. Do too much and you will collapse and we will be signing you off for months.
Goody says Little My I'm fit for work...and promptly squeezes her full time job into 3 days thinking that's good 2 days off... wow can do loads in that time...
Now Little My's job is unrealistic at the best of times and she forgets that about Christmas time last year she said to the bosses... this is too much. I will get sick if I have to do so much.. (ha ha ha how true that was... Oh that'll be that touch of the cancer sick then...that appeared after Christmas.)
So, phasing means one thing in most people's eyes and another in Little My's.
She does her too busy job in 3 days instead of 5 and then puts other stuff off for later in the year so she can work double then to make up for the half now...
Before you start screaming at me and hitting me with big sticks and that...
I KNOW, I KNOW...
So, Monday, Little My does too much, at 3.30pm she starts to get a headache and feels sick and is eyeing up the lift rather than the stairs.. and what does she do? go home? no- she takes some pain killers and stays for the meeting...
Comes home and makes a phased return into the sofa... till the following day.
Tuesday you know all about as the wet and windy day.. which also resulted in taking pain killers to get through a meeting and phasing into the sofa again...
Wednesday, she can't do anything useful at all cos she is so knackered and she has started waking up and not sleeping properly again... but meets up with a mate and catches up with macland which is nice...and is out for the count again and still not sleeping cos she is too tired... and thinking she has not recovered enough from the last 2 days to go in again tomorrow..
Thursday- back to work again. Too much to do, too many people wanting her to do things and meetings and after lunch she is meant to cover a lesson... and she is already feeling sick and got a headache and feels like crying...and actually starts to... so here's where a little bit of sense starts to phase in (only a bit though- don't get too excited)
quick loo break, chocolate, wine, fags, coffee whatever...
The shepherd's hut made of balloons has landed in place though, so I got the camp bed for sick kids and put it up in the hut and laid on there with my eyes shut for a bit and said I couldn't teach... proud? well, don't get too excited cos I then said let them out for a game for the last 1/2 hour and tell them to knock on the hut as they go past and I will go out and supervise.. so only 1/2 hour nap. Then there's a meeting. I actually can't see straight and feel so rotten that I don't think I can drive home so my bizarre logic was to take some pain killers and then go to the meeting while I wait for them to work and then leave it a bit early and drive home. Left early, get home and then spend the evening having the most almighty row with P. I won't bore you with the details and we have made up (mostly, just that fragile slight egg shell stage of trying to make sure its ok...) so got no sleep as the shouting carried on way past anyone's bed time... ho hum.
Today is the other day off... After feeling really really down after yesterday, and grumping at Sunny...
I can't do this, thinks Little My iI must do something... (about bloody time I hear you shout) and sorry Sunny for getting the grumpy My...
Now, as you know I had 'good news' last week. your liver is fine - hoorah! we can't see Hefty hoorah! Fantastic news.. now between you me and the gatepost, we know that this doesn't mean you are instantly cured and can start leaping around with more energy than a labrador pup... but no one else does it seems.
So, all my colleauges say Hoorah you have got the 'all clear' I feel like a plane or something cleared for take off. Is this a cancer term that i should know about cos everyone but everyone is saying this to me and then saying things like Oh now the worry has gone, you must have more energy... I bet you feel better now you know you don't have cancer anymore... No more excuses eh? You must have all your energy back etc etc etc . You get the idea.
So, I go instantly from tragic cancer girl with the head tilts and how arrrrre you? and ooooh you look wells to bouncing energetic back to normal girl who is whinging about being a bit tired etc in the space of a good news email... What???? I didn't like the first, but I don't like the second either... hmmm.
So despite nice boss sending a missive in the staff bulletin saying I am phasing in and don't overwork me, everyone is overworking me and thinks I am back to normal...
There is no back to normal. We know that.. So I need to make them know that. and here is my 'good thing for the day'
I emailed my bosses and the management group. I told them I was fazed by my phased return and I couldn't do it. I explained that as cancer is rather a brutal disease, the treatment has to be even more brutal and as kill or cure was mentioned from both sides, I went for the cure option as being more fun of the two and pretended side effects didn't exist....
Now they do exist and I listed them all to them and why I couldn't walk from the car park to the staffroom withouth getting out of breath and that I don't seem to be making enough blood cells at the mo, so am anaemic and my hips creak and ache and about baggy and ops to come and the whole blinking lot....!!! And that whilst I am celebrating, lets be honest and it might come back and it is 50/50 that it might (though now my livers ok, the odds of getting over this are still 70% so that is good news) but all clear cannot be shouted from the rooftops for 5 years yet and I am still seeing GC every month at least and I need to look after myself if it is to stay good news and phasing into being fazed out is not a good plan if that is to happen.
And I drew up a timetable and said this is what I can do and this needs covering... Oh and I am moving house next week too..
Phew. pressed send before I changed my mind and then worried about the reaction (btw, it was a lot better worded than that ramble.. think speech rather than blog ramble)
Got a reply from boss 2 (who is the one who annoyed me in previous blogs) saying Thank you. We didn't realise. We must look after you and tell others about you and how it is etc and we are responsible to look after you so thanks for telling us how it is, we needed to know and sorry for not asking. And, you should have more time off next week for moving house..
wow.
So, I think I am learning maybe, but you know me... I won't learn but at least I told all of them so they might make me learn so I guess Sensible My got her way somehow....
Now, just got to pack up the house and move... where's those boxes...?
And lastly, you know the luck I have about annoying things like cars and houses (which is fine by me if I keep the luck with GC) well, moving involves one of my favourite organisations and that is BT.Who are reknowned the world over for their efficiency and doing what they say they will... I have been known to spend 8 hours of my life on the phone to them trying to set up phone lines and then there is the broadband too... so, if you don't hear from me much in the next week or two, I want to reassure you it will be because of BT and not due to collapsing in a heap from phased fazing out....
Love to you all and it feels like a bit of a good time to move and dare to leave you all unattended for a week or so.. annette, sunny and steve are all back here and we have new baggy mates over here and warped and no big appointments coming up just yet I don't think...
So take care you lot and imagine the massive blog that will be winging its way to you entitled In which Little My attempts to move house...
The bar is open- lets have a pre-moving drink together. Cheers me dears!
Little My xxxxxx
