Operation Dyson Mission 1 Farts!

Afternoon! Thought I should fill you in on the story so far. On my phone that has its own weird idea or what I am trying to say and keeps changing the words so apologies for lack of sense or random words. What's different you say? Anyway I got the taxi tot he hospital for 7am they sit you in a waiting room until your op and then you get your. Bed afterwards . So I sat in a little room in my gown, dvt surgical stockings and giant paper knickers . What a glorious sight! The knickers are see through so couldn't really see the point of them. Anyway there was me and 2 ladies. First lady goes down at 8.30am and I am next. The other woman moaned and moaned at me about awful the wait was and how awful the whole thing was and.not drinking etc and she would die if she didn't get some food etc she also sat and read me stories from the Daily Mail a d the Sun that I was meant to besuitably outraged about. Aarrgghh she also showed me lots of baby photos not sure whose they were I forgot to listen! More moans and moans about how bad her lot was and how long she had to wait etc eventually I found out what she was in for. She had been seeing SC cos of bowel urgency. He said nothing wrong so she insisted on him removing a skintag from her bum. 5 min op and then home after an hour!!!! SHe also never went to the loo once on the 8 hours I was there.. Urgency indeed! Sorry no paragraphs. On this phone So I was meant to go about 11 am and eventually went at 3pm!! Thought my head was going to implode with dehydration. Dr freaked me out talking about having to have another. Bag while I recovered from this one and having to cut my whole abdomen open maybe and maybe there would be too much damage for it to work and that SC was suggesting I come back I a few times for dilation under anaesthetic using St. Mark's dilation look it up on google haha anyway go for the op and. Ext thing I know I'm out and rigged up to a morphine pump and wheeled up to ward. Nurse says it went ok but didn't know what that meant so had a feel and there was a dressing and no bag!!!! My bum was bleeding so I guessed he had got rid of the polyps I had dangling (sorry for graphic details) and probably stretched. One old senile lady ext to me... Wonder of she just roves hospital wards cos Ems had one too. Real old poor me I'm more I'll than you lady opposite and the other lady refused to go home till she had an op so been here 2 weeks! Apparently she gets bunged up at home. I tried to joke with her about what she was eating at home did t work! Hurt like buggery last night despite morphine at the click of a button. Wasn't allowed a nothing but sips of water. Had a glug instead and was promptly sick! One day I'll listen and do as I'm told haha yeah right... Woman opposite me gets. Devoid. Is she might have a temporary bag while her bowel heals so just now I had my dressing changed. Which is packed with gauze so have to pull it out and stuff it in again which made me cry a bit. Cos it hurt and she. Looked like she had seen a ghost when they drew back the curtains!!! Haha I told her it was fine . Of course I no longer have my invincibles so have to be careful with my lies cos my pants will catch fire now :D Saw SC he said have you got a present for me? Oh what's that? Says LM a fart! Says SC hahaaaa no farts. He pats my wound OUCH and says we have to be careful with you and keep an eye on you till you pass wind! Haha are they going to have a bum inspector sniffing?? He said he thought my bum was reasonably ok (what's that mean eh?) and that he had cut off the polyps and sent biopsies off in case they were cancerous eeeek! But all ok as long as I fart!! Had to take the morphine pump off cos it was leaking in my arm and my hand was swelling up. Boo! Was enjoying my narcotics! So my lovelies I am so far so good and asked if I could go for a walk in the gardens tomorrow hold your horses she said . So maybe a wheelchair with my mate will do the trick . Now, better try farting or I'm In Trouble oh and how do you gift wrap a fart??? Thanks so much for all your good wishes and love and hugs and giggles it helped so much and I felt so loved :) P is texting me haikus about the catsand the birds and things :) Hilary got wind (snigger) of this and has been writing bum haikus for me. There's always one..... Hugs all round little My xxx