I haven’t done a blog in ages so thought I should catch up a bit... Warning does contain an obligatory headtilt, rude words and silliness. Some of this has gone onto warped so sorry for repeating myself (burp)
Last Little My left you she was talking bun ballooning with FC and following headtilters around the room.
The surgical consultant I am being referred to shall hereby be named SC.
So, FC and GC have apparently been writing to SC.
SC and GC have each other’s mobile numbers I know cos when I needed my first op pretty quick, GC went and phoned him on his mobile there and then in front of me... so why they have to write, I don’t know. Guess it’s like the solicitors who live next door and have to send for young lads to parry forth with a groat to purchase a goose to pluck a quill etc... anyway I digress already. Oh dear, that doesn’t bode well does it? Now where were we... FC says to me chase up SC cos you should have heard from him by now.
Now, when you are told to nag someone who wants to shove balloons up your arse into hurrying up, it’s kind of tempting to just keep quiet...
After P had picked himself up off the floor from laughing at images of Little My the blimp and his dreadful joke of You have gone from a pain in the arse to a tight arse.... (which I have to say he found so much funnier than I did) he offered to phone SC for me... No, no my dear, I’ll do it says Little My. Soon. Err, well, maybe tomorrow...
So eventually she phones up SC’s secretary and says GC’s other sidekick FC wants to know why SC hasn’t invited me to go bum ballooning and to talk ops yet cos I was meant to be having the op as a Christmas present and as everyone keeps reminding me, it’s not long to go.... Oh, we haven’t heard from GC she says...What???? He says he’s been writing to you for months... !! Oh, I’ll phone GC’s secretary and ask her to fax the letters over and get back to you. 4 hours later, she’s on the phone to me. Letters faxed, SC consulted about the letters and he would be delighted to see me she says (I bet he would... ) If I ever need a secretary I want her. At least I know he/she is efficient when they know and were not just ignoring me. Of course he is booked up so he can’t see you till 28th December. You’ll get a letter from the booking department soon.
I won’t hold my breath says LM but thanks.
So letter has arrived and it’s at a new hospital even more in the middle of bloody nowhere than where I live! I suspect that by the time I finish this, I will have been to every hospital in Wales. I got the map book out and google and asked the human google Hilary and found it. It’s a brand new hospital where there are no wards but all ensuite single rooms ooooooh!!!! Shame I am only going there to chat with him and not for my operation cos that sounds like a hotel... and more fun than the other place with the ‘guess what dinner is’ food as in here’s your dinner, guess what it is...
So, someone somewhere is thinking I am having the Christmas from Heaven... 23rd December FC/GC sticking fingers up my arse. 28th December SC sticking balloons up my arse. And they had better not be reindeer or holly shaped seasonal ones either! If that person would like to swap places with me, I am quite willing...
I am still waiting for the other scan GP booked me in for. I am now wondering where that one will be... Mongolia perhaps... haven’t been there yet.
So at first it looked like Christmas present was going to be bag removal, now its just Bum ballooning . Better not eat too many sprouts eh?
I have been trying to get some more energy in anticipation of doing more hours at school next week and had a few days when I thought it was happening... and the swimming was helping etc and then Tuesday it all came crumbling down and I had to come home early with the mother of all headaches and feeling sick and spoonless etc. Sorry for ensuing overuse of ‘the room’ recently. Unwarranted I say. I don’t feel too well at the moment but I suspect I am ‘coming down with something’ rather than anything more sinister.... Well, the way I look at it, cancer ruined my birthday so it’d better not try and bloody ruin my Christmas (apart from the above treats of course) or it’ll get a thwack with that door that I ripped off its hinges. And there is every bug going at school at the moment. The only down side (only?? Well, you know what I mean) is that if baggy gets upset and pooey he seems to make my sausages pop out more than usual so I have been doing a lot of lying down in random places this last couple of weeks.
There was a bit of me that thought booking you in for a check up on the 23rd is a bit mean cos if they find something (I love that euphemsism cos we are not talking about finding Rolos or gold are we?) that would put a bit of a dampener on your festivities wouldn’t it? But it won’t. Cos I say so and I’ve got a door.
So, what else has been happening in the My household I hear you ask?
Well, as you ask and I have only written 700 words recapping... (ha ha) What’s that you say? You didn’t ask? Can’t hear you very well, all these words..... you want more? Ok, well,
Actually have a loo/fag/cake/tea/vodka/ break now if I was you.......
Ok, today I was a Lady Who Lunches.... I mostly behaved.
4 of us were to meet for coffee that would turn into lunch. M is the friend who invented the term GC and works with Simon so you get the idea about her. Then there is T who is a bit of an eeyore but nice and has a bit of a dry sense of humour when not being an eeyore and A who headtilts and cries when she sees me and is a bit of a prude.
So I turn up a bit later than the others cos I walked down and that takes longer than I think these days. Hugs from M and T and Hiyahs etc. A stands up, tilts her head and says Well done you and gives me a hug.. What for? Says LM forgetting it wasn’t just M and A wasn’t a loon... Ooops it was a well done for getting to the coffee shop all on my own! Wow I am clever. Aaarrrrggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!
So we chat away and drink lots of coffee. I bought M a present of a word game that has silly sentences and double entendres in it and I have set her a birthday mission to slip these sentences into conversations innocently with people at school. He he. She starts sniggering at the term slip it in and I start sniggering and A asks to look at the card and you can see her peering over her metaphorical spectacles at us.
We talk fairly sensibly for a while and then T says a friend of hers has moved away (who M and I don’t like) she’s gone to Winchester. Oh Winchester is really boring says LM.
Oh she’ll be right at home there then says M. Snigger, Good point says LM. More peering over glasses at us.... oops
What are we doing for Christmas?
I’m going bum ballooning says LM Want to come? Ooops I forgot, more stern and bemused looks. Sniggers from M.
How are you from A. Fine thanks. (I find it easier to say that to headtilters though they then tilt their heads more and say how brave... can’t win with them I guess).
Anyway, we do lots of sniggers and I ask M what she got for her birthday and what Simon got her cos I know and it was rude har har....
We forgot that talking about new names for her husband’s midlife crisis idea of a new business is also naughty . He wants to sell burgers at festivals apparently. It was very convoluted but we got to Wank burgers somehow. A told us off and said Stop it. I don’t like this conversation. M then says, Oh you got done, (northern for being told off) which makes me snigger all the more.
I may grow up one day, but I doubt it.
T and A eventually say they have to go and do shopping etc and me and M get to talk silly about GC and bum balloons and dilators and wank burgers and everything. We talk about our friend’s husband who is an absolute shitebag wanker and has run off with someone else and she says really loudly about how much of an arse he is and we get peered at again by the lady at the next table who has a little girl with her... (For those of you who have read all my blogs, he is the bloke I offered to run over a while ago thinking I could get away with a cancer card as defence. Actually any judge would take one look at him and say Good on you, I reckon. )
Time to go from the cafe before we get lobbed out.... Bump into headtilty lady on the street. Oh well done you again. Tilts galore and gentle hugs cos I might snap.
Home now. Caught up with you lot a bit and have to go to school tonight for a concert cos apparently not only do we teach the little blighters how to play instruments but they perform and we have to go and listen. Ho hum. I offered baggy to parp away too but they declined.... can’t imagine why....
A lot of you are lacking in spoons at the moment, so for a change the bar has been transformed into a Spoon bar. The spoons are on me.. help yourselves and for those who have enough spoons the tea pot is full of gin ssshhhh.
Little My xxx
