Couldn't decide what to call this one.. pages and pages of ramblings might have been better...oh well, If you don't have time, here it is in a sentence...
Went to Devon, had a nice time. went to the docs and got new pills.
For gluttons for punishment...
Little My never did a good sense of direction and having been somewhat poor until very recently, sat navs were somewhat below food and heating on the shopping list. So Little My printed off directions from the internet and off she went in her little black car to the land of storms and sea and loons aka Devon.
She got lost. Well, turn left, turn right, turn right isn’t much of a clue is it? Didn’t say when to do it so missed a turn off, drove back up the country a bit so she could drive back down again and then got back to the directions to do the right turn at the junction she recognised only to find she was approaching it from the other direction now so back again blah blah blah. Stopped and bought a good old trusty map of Devon and found her way there only an hour later than expected and the last bit of directions came from my loony son which said go down a wiggly road and when you see a wishing well type thing turn left. (He doesn’t drive but they were as good as proper ones to be honest...)
Anyway, got there and the winds were howling and the rain was thundering down and we hugged and got wet cos who cares about rain when you are hugging your kid for the first time in ages?
We went to look at the stormy stormy seas and it was so funny as it was so stormy that you couldn’t actually look with the wind and rain in your eyes so we stood with our eyes half shut trying to see the waves and got blown around a bit and then sat in the car like grannies and watched the waves crashing on the cliffs whoooo hooooo. It makes me feel mad and powerful and so alive and happy and I love it!
In the afternoon we went to a little ferry thing that is like a rowing boat with a motor and he takes you across to Salcombe aka pretty little town full of idiots posing with too much money. I feel sorry for the locals. We were naughty.
We went into shops where the assistants look you up and down to see if you are worthy of coming into their shop and cos they do that, and seemed to conclude that we were not worthy, we get silly and annoy them.
I should explain that of course being my son, M is a loony. He gets his clothes from charity shops or lost property bins or anyone that has spare clothes to give away and doesn't seem to care whether they actually fit him or not. He has what one might call an eccentric style of dress so...that day he has white trainers 2 sizes too big for him, with a hole in the top, his muddy and paint spattered work trousers, socks that are more holes than socks, a shirt someone gave him (too big) and extremely posh and expensive jumper that he got from someone with more money than sense that got too fat to wear it (apparently) and a tweed jacket from a charity shop. This is combined with lots of bling gold rings he got at a car boot sale and a hat. I had my orange fleece on. (and some jeans before you worry and my invincibles of course)
So we tried on hats for £100 and jumpers for £300 and ummed and ahhhed and then said no, don’t like it and left the shop. We are nice to nice shop people of course.
It was staggeringly beautiful and it was raining a staggering amount and we got very very wet. So back to the house and dried off and it stopped raining so went round the farm to look at the residents...
I cuddled 2 ferrets (oh wow, they are so so cute!! Never cuddled a ferret before. They don’t half stink but oh are they sweet. I want one. ) I stroked 8 horses and scratched 2 pigs behind the ears and said hello to lots of sheep and lots of chickens and cuddled some cats and then went off to the pub.
If warped had a pub, then this would be it. It was the most brilliant pub in the world and I know one should probably not do advertising etc but if you are a loon, go to the Pigs Nose in East Prawle in Devon. It is a loon’s pub.
Every available surface was covered in random objects and little sayings and there was a room where people had written on the walls and wigs and games and books and magazines and knitting to do and dogs asleep in chairs and a menu for dogs dinners as well as humans and the fire and candles lit and eccentric people. So we had dinner and fitted in quite nicely and I raised a glass to my fellow loons cos it was their sort of place. I had half a lager cos I am a lightweight and I had to drive there cos I can’t walk far yet. My son, it seems drinks G&Ts!
Back to the house and Little My forget there were ‘new people’. So we curled up on the sofa and the people who run the farm came in to watch TV. My problem is that I am daft sometimes yeah, ok, ok most of... oh ok all of the time. You lot have got used to me now (I think/hope) and my friends and work etc all know and humour/tolerate me. Even the hospital have got used to me and I don’t get out much, otherwise these days so I forget about ‘new people’ and behaving...
So there are Little My and Max saying such things as...
Ooooh here comes gay Gordon Ramsay... switch over to the crime programme... oh he killed her with a hockey stick... how do you do that? That wouldn’t hurt... Maybe it was Professor Plum with the candlestick... How do you kill someone with a candlestick? Hold the flame near them for hours till they burn? Ooooh Tom Jones did it. Tom Jones? He’s not Tom Jones, well he looks like Tom Jones... what? In that he’s got hair and a face? Ooooh I bet it was him.... you get the idea, random nonsense stuff... and then we looked round and realised everyone was just looking at us. Not the TV, but just looking... with that look on their faces.
And the woman eventually said ‘I never thought of Ramsey as being gay. And who do you think is Tom Jones??? And... ? what??? And did a goldfish impression.
Errrr...after a few ‘oh that’ll be just me then type comments and luckily she has been living with Max for a couple of months so we eventually got the ‘Oh I can see where he gets it from’ type comments and she starts to laugh (phew) The Spanish volunteer boy is looking completely bemused. Max tells me he has been trying to teach him stuff about Britain. Poor lad. Poor Spain.
So off to bed. Very hard doing baggy nonsense in a house with a tiny ensuite and no door to the bedroom.... but won’t put you off your tea telling you about that and we have 2 more days to go... groan really? I hear you say.
Ok time for a breather, loo break, cup of tea, coffee, gin, fag whatever...
Interval over. Tuesday:
Breakfast: I had bread that had just been made hot out of the oven with eggs laid that morning by the chickens (I don’t think the ferrets were laying that day) and Tim, you will envious of this.. homemade bacon! She got a slab of it out and sliced it with a knife... yum yum. Sooooo nice.
There was no coffee though. WOE! Never mind Hilary woe-ing over unicorns... no real coffee, just instant or tea is woe indeed for a Scandinavian Little My. I was brave and did not sulk (much).
We went to the local town to get coffee and Max a dressing gown cos
a) He wants one for letting the chickens out at dawn and its cold
b) I don’t want to pay £200 for a Salcombe dressing gown.
c) I was actually sulking about not having coffee
We got coffee, a dressing gown and a lady’s hat for Max (well, if he likes it.... ) and then Little My did a very naughty thing. (Get the naughty step ready Odin.... I confess all)
Little My needed a phone charger for the car so they went to the phone shop. There was a man in there who was positively unhelpful and played on the computer the whole time and had to be pointedly asked to sell stuff and asked how much it was and asked for a bag which is put on the floor without even looking up or helping or anything.... Little My got a bit cross with his extreme rudeness and indifference to customers. Max is sweet natured and said thank you as we left the shop... Little My turned round and she opened the door and said to Max gosh how rude and unhelpful some people are... and flashed her bag at him. It was a see through bag. Ooops. That’s all I am saying. Although judging the colour of his face, I think he may have skipped lunch that day.
We went to the beach that you can get to without walking cos I can’t walk there yet which pees me off no end... but hey, Max knows and is sweet about it and no grumps today.. . It was lovely and I got smooth feely pebbles to add to my collection. One for me and one for my mum.
Short explanation... my mum collected stones and pebbles from wherever she went. It was a bit of a running joke of us lot being weighed down with hunks of granite etc wherever we went as kids... When she died, we put a lot of the big granite ones round her grave which as you can imagine is a bit wild and loony looking with me and my loony brother looking after it.... and whenever we go anywhere by the sea or pebbly etc where we would have liked her to be, we take a stone to put on her grave too. Bit like a cairn of travels I guess. I am also a pebble collector so got one for me too.
So, lunch and hugs and nattering and that and a tearful bye (from me cos I’m a mum and I won’t see him till Christmas now) and off back home. Long long boring drive in the rain and I hate service stations and their crap food and crap everything and I got scowled at coming out of the disabled loo (baggy change) cos I look soooo well. I was tempted to flash my bag again, but once is enough per holiday I think.
P and I go for a walk every evening. I was tired but thought it would be good to stretch my legs after all that driving. Got to the bottom of the road, it started to rain so we went home and I had to stop cos I was too tired. Burst into tears when we got in cos I forget sometimes and think I am fine and want to go for a stroll around the block and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that I get out of breath so bloody quickly.
Still, I refuse to go back down after getting my mojo back the other day ..... so had a nice lie in this morning and tried to catch up here which took me all morning.
Went to the GP this afternoon cos GC’s alternative FC said go and see him about your free NHS early menopause and osteoporosis. You might want to discuss HRT or not cos of risks of cancer etc. I love these choices they give you.. it’s never do you want chocolate or icecream? but cancer or crumbly bones is today’s choice... Hmm neither? Says LM.
I never saw the GP before cos I didn’t get ill but this one seems ok. He laughed when I saw him the first time to get a fit note for not being fit (stupid government oxymoron that is) so thought I would stick with him. He does however have the annoying habit of saying Hi, how are you? Stupid greeting for a doctor. Spiffing thanks says Little My and then we laugh when he looks at his screen and sees just how spiffing I am. (hey how come my computer thinks spiffing isn’t a word? Hmmm stupid computer)
So he says remind me about your treatment etc and then he says Oh and you had something with your liver too didn’t you... Yeah, says LM but GC says he was confident it wasn’t cancer and the scans seemed ok last time.
Oh yes, innumerable spots it says here says GP scanning the computer...
Innumerable??? Says LM. He never said that.
Oh I guess he was confident cos looking at this, if there were cancerous you wouldn’t be here now, cos you’d be dead he says.
Well, that’s one way to freak your patients out thought Little My a little freaked out.
So, in revenge she embarrassed him.
I have to use dilators and they need lubricants as any of you that braved the euphemisms blog know. Our chemist only sells chilli flavoured novelty lubricants so I asked him if I could have the one the hospital gave me on prescription and said I went to the chemist but they only did scented and flavoured chilli fun ones... and i didn’t want them. He went pink cheeked and said
‘Hmmm Lets not go there...’
Ha Ha! I was always told say what you like to the doctor cos they have heard it all before and they don’t get embarrassed! Seems the latest line in fun lubricants is one way to get em. That’ll teach him to freak me out...
So the upshot is, he is a little pink cheeked (not those cheeks- naughty) and is looking into another type of scan for me to have Oooh more fun! And we agreed no hrt but bone uncrumbling tablets instead and the hot flushes can just save on heating bills so Little My has got some calcium and vitamin tablets and some annoying ones that have to be taken either standing up or sitting very upright and you are not allowed to lie down or go to bed for at least half an hour after taking them!
Why can’t they do tablets that you have to go to bed with? That would be more fair... I'm not good at sitting upright or standing lots. I like lying in bed. The chemist said choose a day when you can get up and sit up or stand for half an hour before breakfast... hmmmm looks like Sundays may become more upright these days and I don’t mean morally.
Cos I learned that I could have been dead by now and am not, I thought I would celebrate with a bit of shopping so I went to the shop P told me had a nice ring in that I might like as a wedding ring. I didn’t but bought a new bag (handbag, my dears... Saturday is bag goody bag day) and a jumper.
Well, why not?
Big hugs all round and a brandy if you made it this far....
Little My x
